


I find it hard to find someone like you

by Skylarsparrow



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged Up, Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Probably will have smut, Slow Burn, dont copy onto another site please, easily embarrassed Killua, jealous!gon, killua is outted in a horrible way, touch starved killua
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:14:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28925619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylarsparrow/pseuds/Skylarsparrow
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 42
Kudos: 152





	1. I

Killua sat at the bar, mindlessly picking at some peeling garnish on the table. The bartender checked him out again, not that he was trying to be subtle about it. Killua knew from experience that at any moment the bartender was going to try talking to him, despite Killua’s best efforts to look unapproachable.  
Killua swished the amber liquid around in his cup before taking a sip of the burning liquor.

Killua contemplates the whole situation in his head again.. a good pass time and something that seemed to calm his nerves. He hasn’t seen Gon in a couple of years. Not since they parted ways at the world tree.  
As Alluka aged and became more mature she really started becoming more independent and wanted to go to boarding school and be on her own for a while.. Killua wasn’t happy about it, but after a couple heated arguments Killua decided that he didn’t want to be possessive or suffocate her the way that he had been, and with a few promises made he let her go.

However the whole ordeal just made him more lonely than he ever had been in his life.  
Sure he’d been through more isolation in his formative years, but at the time he was numb to it all.  
He hadn’t yet met Gon, someone who was warm, someone who was like the sun. Who had melted the thick layer of ice that was around his heart. And after Alluka left, his life had felt all too cold and sterile.

Sometimes, when Killua started to feel too cold and touch deprived, he would come to this bar at night. There would always be someone to approach him, someone who was a little too touchy feely, and at first it would make his skin crawl, but if he got drunk enough, he could pretend it wasn't a stranger, that it was the boy he admired so much. There had been one guy who had some of Gon's features that would always come back to Killua, his name was Ethan, but one time when they were kissing in the bathroom Killua had whimpered Gon's name. That had been the end of that short fling.

Killua felt anxious to see Gon again, he was excited because he missed him so much, but Killua was scared of what he would do when Gon was finally in his life again, and how heart broken he would be when Gon left again.

The thought of it almost made him not want to see him at all... made him hesitate to say yes when Gon had reached out.  
Killua knew better than to say yes, but just like an addict that needed a fix, he had to say yes for the high.  
No matter how brief. He’ll just deal with the withdrawal when the time comes.

Killua glances at the wall clock for what had to be the thirtieth time. He’s late.

“Don’t tell me _you _got stood up.” The bar tender said, interrupting his thoughts, and making him aware of the unconscious jumping of his leg that had been making the bar stool creek.  
Killua blinked twice, coming back to his surroundings. “No it’s not like that,” he croaked, then clearing his throat, “he’s just a friend.” Killua said, eyes fixated on the table.__

“The friend that made you realize you were gay?” The bar tender said, sliding over a free bourbon.  
Killua froze, and that was answer enough. He accepted the free drink and the bar tender collected his previous empty cup. Instead of taking it to the sink, the bar tender leaned closer to Killua.

Killua finally looked at the bar tender.  
He was tall and skinny, had natural red hair, and a bit of dark smudged eyeliner that made his pale green eyes pop. He wasn’t unattractive, but it was all wrong, thought Killua. The hair, the skin tone, his frame... Killua’s type was, well... it looked a lot more like Gon.  
Killua winced inwardly, maybe he had drank one too many. After all this time and he still has feelings for Gon.

Killua tilted his head and rested his head on his hand, looking bored and only partly interested.  
The bar tender continued, having not received an obvious rejection “So what’s your sign?” He asked trying to be flirty, “I’m a gemini.” he continued.

Just as Killua was about to answer, a familiar voice came from directly behind his ear  
“He’s a cancer, doesn’t go so well with gemini I think.”

Gon. Killua thought, only he could sneak up on a trained assassin.  
Gon’s voice was a bit deeper, his familiar scent making Killua feel nostalgic, and his presence right behind Killua making Killua’s face feel hot.

Suddenly Gon’s arms wrap around Killua’s waist, and Killua’s senses are overwhelmed, Gon’s scent, Gon’s voice, Gon’s feverishly hot arms against Killua’s normally cool skin.  
“Killua!” Gon says against his ear, his breath hot, “I missed you so much!”

The bartenders eyes widen looking at Gon, he looked back at Killua, who was certainly flushed to the tips of his ears.

Gon lets go, and Killua’s skin feels cold at the absence.  
Gon sits on the stool next to Killua and only then did he take in how much the boy has grown. He was so... attractive. He was taller, more muscular, more defined, more tanned, with freckles gorgeously painted onto the bridge of his nose and shoulders, proving to Killua he hasn’t stopped adventuring. Killua felt sickly pale and slim next to him and slightly self conscious.

“I missed you too,” Killua finally said

“You’re so red! Did I scare you? Sorry Killua!” Gon laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, and unintentionally showing off his arms in the process.

“It’s okay,” Killua smiled, “how was Green Villa?” He asked, doing his best to act composed.

Gon’s eyes lit up “It was so much fun! Oh and Killua, there was this one town with sooo many cats! You would have loved it! I wish Killua had come with me” he finished kind of sadly

“Me too,” Killua replied, sipping his drink “how long are you staying for again?”

Gon hesitated before replying “I have to recheck my tickets but about a couple weeks” he said.

The bartender interrupted “a bourbon for you as well?” Killua noticed his tone was different from before and it worried him for a moment.

“Yes please!” Gon chimed

The bartender poured a cup and slid it over.  
Then he leaned over to Killua and in a low tone said “If it doesn’t work out with him, you can always take me home.”

Killua’s stomach dropped at the fear of being outted but before he could reply Gon's fist was on the bar tenders collar effectively yanking him down to eye level.  
“He’s not interested” Gon’s eyes were cold and the bar tender smiled in his face.

“Maybe not as one sided as he thought,” the bar tender said, and Gon flashed him a confused look before letting him go, he reached into his pocket and left cash on the table before taking Killua’s hand “let’s go.”

Killua’s mouth was parted in shock and he couldn’t make a sound while being gently lead outside.  
Gon didn’t let go of his hand while they walked passed a few stores. He looked at Killua with a worried expression on his face, he looked him down and up, and Killua felt suddenly self conscious. Killua kept his gaze on Gon’s hand in his, and when Gon noticed he let go.

“Does that happen to you a lot?” Gon asked.

“It’s not... uncommon” Killua chose his words carefully, Gon frowned.

“My place is this way” Killua said stopping at the stop lights, Gon followed, but stayed strangely quiet the whole way home.


	2. II

Killua unlocked the door to his apartment “it’s not much but it’s home,” he said

Gon looked around the clean and minimalist styled apartment, his eyes settled on a picture frame, with a picture of them two. He picked up the picture and smiled, remembering the fun they had that day. Gon’s arm was around Killua, Gon had a huge smile on his face and Killua had a shy smile and a faint blush.

“Oh that,” Killua said looking embarrassed.  
It was the only thing in his apartment that had any sentimental value, and Gon noted this.

“I love this picture” Gon said quietly, eyes fixated on the picture.

Killua felt butterflies in his stomach “you didn’t even get to touch your drink at the bar, I have some bourbon here if you want,” he was offering Gon a drink but Killua was the one that really needed it

“Sure,” Gon smiled at him, finally setting down the picture.

* * *

It was dark outside now, Gon was sat on the floor with his legs sprawled out like when they were kids, he was laughing at something that Killua said and finally it felt like old times. Like it hadn’t been years since the two last saw each other. They caught up and reminisced and got tipsy and Killua’s apartment felt warm for the first time in awhile.

Gon caught him staring and Killua looked away, noticing that they had put quite a dent in the liquor.

“So you’re only here a couple weeks right?” Killua asked, the liquor making hiding his disappointment too difficult.

“Actually I wasn’t really honest with you,” Gon said, rubbing the back of his neck “I actually got a one way ticket here.. I wanted to stay for awhile and hopefully convince you to come with me whenever you were ready.”

Killua swallowed a lump in his throat, looking at him wide eyed.

Gon continued “adventuring isn’t the same without you Killua,”

Killua couldn’t help the small smile that spread on his face, and although there’s nothing else he wants more, he doesn’t think he could go with Gon.  
He doesn’t think it’s honest to Gon, or painless for Killua to go on pretending he doesn’t have feelings for him. And maybe if Gon knew how Killua felt he’d want distance from him.  
Killua’s smile slipped off his face while he was thinking  
“We’ll see..” was all he managed to say, Gon looked disappointed, but didn’t press on.

“I need a shower after that long flight” Gon said while stretching.

“Yeah for sure, I’ll get you a towel,” Killua said standing up, “you can take the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Gon looked puzzled “Why? We could both sleep on your bed like good old times,”  
Killua blinked at him “it’s big enough for the two of us,” Gon smiled

Killua knows how stubborn Gon is and instead of arguing with him he came up with a fool proof plan “ok take a shower and then we’ll figure it out, here’s the towel”

“Thank you,” Gon said before going into Killua’s room to go to his en-suite bathroom.  
As soon as Killua heard the shower running he grabbed a pillow and a blanket and pretended to fall asleep on the couch. No way Gon was going to wake him up if he was already asleep.

After a while the shower stopped running, and he heard the bathroom door creak open. Killua nuzzled into his pillow and tried to look comfortable.

Just as he was starting to feel like he could really fall asleep, Killua heard all too familiar moans coming from his laptop.

Killua eyes shot open and his body was moving before he could rationalize that there was no taking back the damage done, he opened the door to his room and saw Gon on his laptop, which had his go-to favourite gay porn in which the top looked eerily similar to Gon.

To make matters worse Gon looked stunned, and also gorgeous in just a towel around his waist, dripping wet, and Killua couldn’t help that his eyes landed on his toned wet body.  
“Oh,” Gon says

Killua is as red and as flustered as it gets, his heart is beating so hard in his chest and suddenly his body tells him to escape. He leaves the room slamming the door behind him, and glances at the front door contemplating leaving his house completely.  
Gon comes up behind him, wearing shorts now “Killua it’s okay!”

Killua couldn’t bring himself to look at him, instead he sits on the sofa and hugs his pillow, using it to shield his flushed face.

“What’s the problem? Pretty much everyone watches porn,” Gon continued

“It’s not just porn,” Killua croaked, tears welling in his eyes at being outed in the worst way possible. He worries that Gon might be acting cool about it now but this might ruin the close friendship they had.

Gon never understood the big deal around sexuality and never cared to really label his own, he just likes what he likes.

He crouched in front of Killua and reached out to Killua to try and pry off his arm from the pillow so he could see Killua’s face. He was redder and poutier than Gon had ever seen him, and it was so fucking cute.

Gon got a hold of the pillow and managed to take it out of Killua’s grip when he wasn’t expecting it, making Killua cover his face with his hands.

“Killua it’s okay!!” Gon insisted, now both hands going to grip his wrists so he couldn’t cover his face, and after Killua tried to squirm free, some how his competitive nature took over and Gon ended up on top of Killua on the couch, with both wrists pinned down.

Killua was flushed to his ears under him, his white hair falling back from his face... he looked beautiful.  
The thought crossed Gon’s mind that this is what Killua would look like if Gon was pinning him down for another reason altogether, all red, flustered, and pretty. Gon felt heat in his stomach.

Gon released one of his wrists and Gon noticed that Killua didn’t move, didn’t move his hand to push him away, and so Gon placed his hand on his cheek. Gon wiped away a tear that had made its way to Killua’s hair line with his thumb. He felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him, it almost seemed like Killua had tilted his chin up at his touch.  
Gon moved his hand down his jawline to his chin, and finally Killua stopped squirming and just looked at him with an unsure expression, Gon was almost lost in those striking icy blue eyes.

“It’s okay, Killua,” Gon said, and his voice came out huskier than he had anticipated, and Gon realized he was getting hard just from looking at Killua all unraveled like this.  
Gon didn’t know if Killua saw him in that way though, or if Killua only wanted Gon as a friend, or maybe even saw Gon as a brother.

“Killua,” Gon broke the silence, and Killua tensed at his tone, “do you want things to go back to how they were before?”

Killua hesitated, not certain what he meant by that, but there’s no way Gon meant it in the way he wanted, so Killua just whispered “yes”

Gon almost looked disappointed for a moment, but maybe it was just in Killua's head.  
Gon immediately moved off of him to sit upright on the couch, and grabbed the pillow to put in his lap.

Killua felt cold at Gon’s absence. He breathed properly for the first time in minutes. Gon said it was okay.  
Killua is grateful he moved off when he did because if he hadn’t, Killua was only a moment away from ruining the friendship.

Killua sat up, propped up by his arm, and Gon was pouring another drink for the both of them. Killua downed the whole thing in one go. Equal parts relieved but also unexpectedly disappointed that Gon was acting like nothing had happened.

Gon got up and said “it’s late, let’s go sleep?” Killua blinked “like good old times?” Gon smiled

Normally Killua would have rationalized how bad of an idea that was and said no, but all the drinks were finally catching up to Killua and nothing sounded better than sleeping next to Gon’s warm body, even if it was just platonically, and Killua nodded and followed him to the room.

Killua actively tried to avoid looking at his body while he stripped down to his boxers and Killua did the same. Gon lied down on the bed as naturally as if it had been his own room back at whale island.  
Killua finally laid down, facing away from the boy.  
The bed felt warm with Gon in it, and the combination of the liquor he’d had and the warmth that Gon’s body was emanating had him falling asleep at a pace he’d never been able to.

Gon stared at the smooth porcelain skin on Killua’s back, he wanted so badly to touch it, to trace the crevices of his shoulder blades and spine with the tips of his fingers, and before Gon knew it he had actually stared doing it, he gently touched the scars on Killua’s back, and traced patterns onto Killua's soft warm skin. Gon moved up to touch his hair, he’d always wanted to touch Killua’s white fluffy hair, and it was even softer than he expected.

Killua didn’t tense at Gon’s touch, he simply absorbed it, and so Gon who didn’t think things through before he did them, moved over to place a kiss on on Killua’s shoulder.  
It was then that he realized that Killua was asleep. Gon suddenly felt guilty for crossing a boundary on his friend that trusted him so much, he withdrew his hand and fell asleep next to Killua. The boy he had thought about every night before falling asleep, about where he was, how he might be feeling, whether or not he thought about Gon, was finally by his side. Gon fell asleep feeling whole again for the first time in years.


	3. III

Killua woke up in his own bed, it had all been a dream. He closed his eyes again, his bed felt so warm and comfortable this morning.  
Then he heard the sound of breathing that wasn’t his own and his eyes shot open. He sat up slowly, trying not to wake the boy, and looked over at Gon sleeping on his back with his arms behind his head.

Killua selfishly absorbed the beautiful image of Gon in his bed, his tan skin contrasting the white sheets gorgeously, the sunlight hitting his skin just right. Killua watched the curves of his chest and abs rising and falling gently with every breath. Gon’s relaxed expression making him look so peaceful.  
Killua had to force his unwilling eyes to look away.

He got out of bed quietly so as to not wake his friend and put on some fresh clothes. Killua made some coffee for himself and some for Gon for when he woke up, and went to his balcony to smoke a cigarette, a habit he only engaged in when really stressed.

Killua sat outside on his balcony with his coffee next to him and lit his cigarette, thinking about the events of the night before.  
A memory popped into his mind of Gon touching his back in a way he didn’t know he’d craved so badly. Had that been a dream?

He shook his head and took another drag.

Gon had reacted really well to finding out Killua was gay. It most definitely wasn’t the way Killua would have wanted to come out, but at least Killua didn’t have to stress any longer about how he would do it and whether or not it would ruin the friendship. Whether it was worth the risk at all.

“Good morning!” Gon beamed, making Killua jump.

“Good morning,” Killua smiled one of those small smiles that most people never saw.

He made his way to sit on the floor across from Killua on the small balcony, his coffee in hands.  
His legs stretched out next to Killua's. Killua likes to see how their different skin tones compliment one another.

Killua noticed Gon’s eyes were fixated on his cigarette.

“Oh this, it’s only every now and then.” Killua said, taking another drag.

Gon just laughed, his leg leaned against Killua’s, and Killua moved his leg away subtly, being extra cautious about touching Gon. Not wanting him to take it the wrong way, but more importantly so that he didn’t fall even deeper for Gon, not that avoiding touching him ever stopped him from pinning over him before.

But that vivid dream he had of Gon mixed with him being here in the flesh rather than just a fantasy in his head was making him crave Gon’s touch that much more.

Gon stared while the smoke gently escaped Killua’s lips.

Killua took interest to Gon’s attention and did a French exhale next, letting the smoke rise from his mouth and into his nose, Gon smiled looking surprised and so Killua blew out some O’s before taking a sip of his coffee.

“How do you make even smoking look attractive?” Gon praised, with his head tilted endearingly.

Killua choked on his coffee, “Idiot,” he managed to croak out before coughing a few times. “How do you just say things like that?”

Gon just laughed “so what are we doing today?”

Killua perked up at the question “I told Kurapika and Leorio that you were coming, and they want to meet up tonight,”

“I haven’t seen them in ages!! I can’t wait!” Gon cheered

* * *

After nightfall Killua got ready to go to the bar, he dressed in the style he usually does to go there at night, someone from the bar called him an e-boy at one point and he grimaced at the word.  
He wore some slim black pants with a silver chain at his hip, a long sleeve black turtleneck layered with a white shirt with a band name that he liked in front of it. He put on a silver necklace, a couple rings, and was going to pair it with his doc martins.

It wasn’t anything that out of character but still when he stepped out of his room and Gon’s eyes fixed on him, Killua felt a bit anxious.

“Wow” was all Gon managed to say after a long moment. “Killua looks really good... now I feel underdressed”

“Please, You’d look good in a garbage bag,” Killua retaliated “let’s go?”

Gon nodded and followed him out of his apartment to the elevator.

When the elevator opened it was nearly full, Killua was about to wait for another one when he felt Gon’s hand on his lower back, gently pushing him to go in.

Killua squeezed his way into the corner, and Gon followed him.  
They were chest to chest to each other, forced to be almost touching, Killua feels Gon’s eyes on him without looking up, and he feels his face getting hot again.  
He hates how quickly his skin gives him away. How many more floors until they get off?

Gons hips lean forward and brush against Killua’s, and Killua wants so badly to escape that he’s pressing himself back into the corner even more than before.  
Killua is so distracted by Gon’s nearness that he doesn’t even realize Gon has space behind him to create space between them if he wanted to.

When he’s flustered, he seems to lose his ability to analyze and dissect a situation properly, and so Killua fails to realize that Gon is testing him to try and see how Killua feels about him.

Finally, the doors open for the lobby and most of the people get off including Gon, Killua has to regain his composure for a second before he can move, and he tries to will his blush to go away.  
Killua finds himself stressed thinking about the fact that he has to spend a couple more weeks living with this man and pretending he's not completely infatuated with him.

* * *

When they arrive at the crowded bar Gon is the first to spot the two. “Kurapika! Leorio!” He shouted.  
The two turned back and smiled, Kurapika waved and signaled for Gon to come over to their table.

Killua tugged on Gon’s sleeve “Kurapika’s pronouns are they/them.” Gon smiled and nodded.  
Gon glanced at the same bar tender from the night before, who was smirking at the sight of them together. Gon took Killua by the wrist and made his way to the table.

“You look so grown!” Kurapika complimented.

Gon laughed bashfully “I missed you two!” He beamed while sitting at the booth with Killua by his side. “And I missed Killua a LOT,” he said

“Shut up,” Killua sputtered

Kurapika smiled knowingly. Killua had confided in them in the past after a night out and admitted his feelings for Gon.

The bar tender brought over two bourbons without even being asked to “On the house,” he purred “as an apology for yesterday.”

Gon nodded with a stern expression “Thank you, I’m sorry too”  
The bar tender looked taken aback for just a moment, before going back to work.

Kurapika looked puzzled at what event must have transpired to warrant that, Killua simply shook his head “long story,” he muttered

“So, tell us where you’ve been man,” Leorio said

And so Gon began to talk about his adventures, about meeting Ging, about the training he did, the places he’d gone, and the people he became friends with.

Killua felt a strange wave of queasiness in his stomach that could only be jealousy when he noticed Gon talk repeatedly about one friend he’d made in particular. Killua chastised himself inwardly for the unwarranted emotion.

Everyone took turns exchanging stories, catching up, having drinks and an overall good time in each others company when Killua felt someone looking at him from across the bar.

When they met eyes the blood drained from Killua’s face.

Ethan.

Shit.

He hadn’t seen him since their last conversation, where Ethan pretty much poured his heart out to him and asked him who Gon was in the same conversation.  
Killua had to let him down easily and cut all ties.  
However that wasn’t all that long ago for Ethan’s wounds to have healed, 1 month ago maybe?

Killua calculated the possibilities in his head and decided it would be better if he approached him by himself before Ethan came over to the table.

“I’ll be right back,” Killua said, and Gon nodded.

Killua made his way over to the bar, he glanced back to see if Gon was watching but he wasn’t, he was laughing with Leorio about something.

Killua sat next to Ethan, “Hey” he said.

Ethan looked at him from the corner of his eye “hi” he croaked.

Ethan looked like an off-brand Gon. Ethan’s eyes were darker and a little smaller, face shape a little slimmer, but they had the same nose, hair colour and skin colour. The biggest difference was in their personalities and energy, but when Killua was kissing him that didn’t really matter.

If Gon saw him he would know immediately that he’s definitely Killua’s type, so Killua wanted to make this as quick as possible.

Killua didn’t know what to say, so he just started talking “Look, I’m sorry about how everything went down, I should’ve been honest with you up front,”

“You think?” Ethan hissed “I mean you told me that you didn’t want anything serious, so I guess it’s my fault for falling for you, but I still feel like after a while I had the right to know you had feelings for someone else,” Ethan said “Or that I was being used like that.” He finished, having clearly tossed and turned and dissected the whole situation in his head for hours.

Killua raked his fingers through his hair “I’m sorry, you’re right. It was shitty.”

“That’s why you never wanted to take things further right? Why you never wanted to come to my place or go to yours. Even after months of this thing we had, whatever it was.” Ethan continued, probably getting the closure he needed.

Killua didn’t say anything.

Ethans expression morphed into one of revulsion “Were you… are you saving yourself for him?”

Killua was taken aback, he never thought about it like that.

* * *

When Gon felt that Killua had been absent for too long he got worried, Gon scanned the bar quickly for Killua. Looking first at the bar tender who wasn’t serving him.  
Gon quickly spotted the head of white hair he was looking for, he was with a boy at the bar with dark brown hair.

“Who’s that?” Gon asked, interrupting the conversation.

“Oh,” Kurapika said, Gon looked at Kurapika, waiting for an answer to his question “I think his name is Ethan... he’s a... friend, of Killua.” Kurapika stammered.

But the troubled expression on Killua’s face made Gon doubt that, and so he stood up, ready to head straight for them.

“Uh oh,” Leorio muttered, making Gon feel even worse.


	4. IV

“Is everything okay over here?” Gon questioned from behind Killua, Killua visibly tensed up.

Killua didn’t turn around, Ethan’s eyes were on Gon and he wrinkled his nose, looking angry at the interruption.

Gon felt betrayed and he had no valid reason to. Killua wasn’t… his. He was stupid to assume Killua was going to wait for him or be completely on his own while waiting for Gon.  
He just assumed, being Killua’s first friend and all, that Killua wouldn’t have replaced him.

“Yeah everything’s good.” Killua replied, but Gon wasn’t convinced, picking up on the heavy vibe.

“Who are you?” Ethan demanded in an obviously jealous tone.

But Gon was realizing by the second that Gon wasn’t upset that Killua had made a new friend, Gon had made new friends after all. Gon was upset at the possibility that their connection was a romantic one. It wasn’t often ‘friends’ became sour the way that they seemed to.

Gon felt nauseous, was this Killua’s person? Was Ethan jealous because he thought they were together? Are Killua and Ethan together? Gon needed to know before he could act.

“Is this your boyfriend?” Gon asked, he tried to sound calm about it but his voice betrayed him.

Killua looked flustered, “No! It’s not like that!”

“Well what is it like then!?” Gon snapped, and Killua stared back wide-eyed, why was Gon acting like this?

Killua sputtered and stuttered, but his brain wasn’t working. He was usually so quick with words but Ethan and him never really labelled what they were, and what could he say…  
Friends? Do friends have a history of making out in the bathroom of the bar without knowing each others last names? Friends with benefits? Although they’d never been more intimate than kissing and touching each other over their clothes.

Ethan snapped, getting offended by Killua’s inability to say what he was “What, is this your new boy toy?” he spat.

New… boy toy? Ethan was an old ‘boy toy’? Gon felt sick and he couldn’t admit to himself why.

“No, it’s not like that!” Killua whined at Ethan, and then he turned to Gon who was already arriving at his own conclusions “And it’s not like that either!” Killua insisted.

“Seriously?” Ethan grimaced.

Ethan leaned threateningly closer to Killua “Why can’t you tell him, huh!?”

Gon didn’t know what the hell was going on here, but he wasn’t going to let anyone talk to Killua like that. Gon stepped between them, shielding Killua from him, and putting a hand out to Ethan to keep him a fair distance.

Ethan looked at Gon frantically “And why do you care so much if it’s not like that!?” he wailed.

“Because, Killua’s mine!” Gon yelled, not thinking about what he was saying.

“Yours!? Well if he won’t warn you I will!” Ethan started, “he’s still head over heels in love with someone so don’t bother with him and get hurt like I did!” Ethan seethed before storming off, looking as if he was about to come undone.

Gon felt his heart stop beating for a second, he felt completely winded. Killua was in love with someone?  
Shock overtook Gon, his mouth was parted, and Killua looked like he wanted to hide under a rock for the rest of his life.

“I’m sorry for all of that,” Killua gulped, glad that Ethan hadn’t remembered Gon’s name.  
Killua felt like he'd barely dodged a bullet, like it had just grazed him instead of hitting him anywhere fatal.

Gon regained his composure.  
“Boy toy?” Gon asked.

Killua blushed, “He wanted to be, but he’s not my type.”

“Oh… Good.” Gon said.

“Good!?” Killua gawked.

“Good.” Gon repeated.

Gon felt relieved and unnerved. Relieved that they didn’t have anything serious, and unnerved that Killua was supposedly in love with someone, and what Killua just said meant Gon may not be Killua’s type either, considering their resemblance.  
What was Killua’s type?

At some point during the exchange Kurapika and Leorio had made their way over, they looked like they had just witnessed a car crash.

Kurapika went over and hugged Killua, Gon could see it caught Killua off guard, but Killua leaned into their hug, his stress almost melted away.

“You ripped the bandaid off, you did good.” Kurapika whispered into Killua’s hair before quickly letting go of Killua. Killua just nodded, eyes fixed to the ground.

Since when did they get so close? Gon wondered. Could Kurapika be the person Gon was in love with? The thought made him queasy. That while Gon was away they had gotten close, and Kurapika had been there for Killua when he wasn’t.  
Gon started to feel sick, jealousy wasn’t an emotion he’d ever felt, and it was whispering vile things into his ear and making him feel uncertain and suspicious of everyone.  
For the first time in a long time, Gon felt tired.

Just as his thoughts were getting carried away, Gon felt a tug on his sleeve.

He looked back and Killua was looking up at him innocently, looking just as tired  
“Let’s go home?” Killua whispered. Seeing Killua look tired made Gon want to take care of him, and he didn’t feel tired anymore.

Home, Gon thought.  
How domestic. It made him smile.

“Yes please,” For a second Gon imagined that they were together, that Killua’s house was Gon’s home too. Gon didn’t have a place he could call home. He’d slept at various houses, hotels, places, but nothing was home. Killua was the only thing that ever felt like home.

* * *

When they got home Killua immediately got dressed down in comfortable sweatpants and a tank top, and Gon still thought he looked breathtaking.

Killua sat on the sofa, “Let’s watch a movie?”

Gon nodded, “Sure! Pick something while I make popcorn!”

While Gon microwaved the popcorn, Gon had to look through various cupboards to find a big bowl, reminding him that this wasn’t in fact, his home. Nonetheless he found it.

Gon brought Killua the popcorn, and before he sat down with Killua he gently placed a blanket around Killua’s bare shoulders, Killua tensed at the gentle and caring action.

He looked at Gon wide-eyed. Gon wanted to know what Killua was thinking. But Killua never said his thoughts out loud like Gon did, it was incredibly frustrating, and alluringly mysterious at the same time.  
Did he like what Gon just did? Did it make him uncomfortable? Gon wasn’t sure, but he was slowly getting better and better at reading Killua’s micro expressions.

“What are we watching?” Gon broke the silence to dissipate the tension.

“Sinner man” Killua croaked out, he cleared his throat “I heard it was good.”

Gon pretended to watch the movie while his mind wandered to Killua, Ethan, and the events of the night. Ethan wasn’t Killua’s type... Gon paid attention to the screen again.

They reached for popcorn at the same time and brushed hands, Gon thought nothing of it but couldn’t help but notice that Killua drew his hand back faster than necessary… was he always so averse to Gon’s touch?

There was a man on screen, he was tall with dark hair, fair skin and well dressed. He had an accent and seemed very smooth overall, the characters around him seemed to find him very attractive.

“Is he your type?” Gon found himself asking.

Killua’s eyes narrowed, “Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering what your type is.”

Killua shifted on the couch.. he was uncomfortable with the question.  
He only answered with a shrug.

Gon saw a beautiful natural blonde on screen, the leading actress. Did Killua like girls too? Could the person he was in love with be a girl?  
“What about her?” Gon asked.

“No,” Killua deadpanned.

After a moment Gon tried to pretend he changed the topic “You and Kurapika got really close,”

“Hmm?” Killua blinked “Yeah, Kurapika’s a good friend.”

Friend. Gon thought. But he needed more clarification.  
“Is Kurapika your type?”

Killua sighed, seeing that Gon was being insistent.

Killua shook his head “They’re not unattractive, but Kurapika is like a parent to me, like a mentor.”

Gon wasn’t satisfied and pressed on “You said Ethan wasn’t your type,”

“Not really.” Killua said

“But he looks like the guy in the video.” Gon said

“The video?” Killua questioned.

Gon looked away, “The porn,”

Killua turned red and looked away “Never mention the video.” He shivered.

Gon giggled, “Okay, I’m sorry.”

With very unfortunate timing, the leading actors started making out heavily and undressing on screen,  
Killua’s blush stayed put, hoping this would only last a second, I mean this is Netflix but they weren’t about to do a whole sex scene, right?

The leading actor started unbuckling his belt, and after leaning towards the woman she started moaning.  
Killua’s head started scanning the room, undoubtedly thinking ‘Where the fuck is the remote?’

“Here you go, Killua” Gon had the remote, and when Killua went to grab it he had to touch Gon’s skin, he took the remote quickly as if Gon’s skin burned to touch.

Killua skipped forward and put the remote down.

“Killua, you’re so red…” Gon whispered, and now Killua looked angry.

“I guess I’m a prude,” Killua huffed, then took a sip of his water. That peaked Gon’s interest.

“Is Killua a virgin?”

Killua almost spat out his water, “Why do you always say shit like that when I’m drinking?”

“Why do you always get thirsty when I have good questions!” Gon laughed.

After a couple coughs, he asked “are you?”

“Yes,” Gon said, Killua looked surprised  
“There were people who wanted me but… I felt like the first person I slept with should be someone special and not someone I wouldn’t ever see again.”

“Oh,” Killua said… “me too.”

Gon felt a wave of delight, followed by something darker and hotter. Gon wanted to be the first.  
“So Ethan wasn’t special.”

Killua sighed... “We kissed a few times but… I wasn’t in love with him. So I never took it further.”

“Who are you in love with?” Gon asked, finally getting to root of the question.

Something gleamed in Killua’s eyes, a reaction Gon wasn’t expecting.

“You’ve been asking a whole lot of questions… I think it’s my turn to ask a 'good question.'”

Gon felt nervous, “Okay,”

“What did you mean when you told Ethan I was ‘yours’” Killua interrogated, looking right at him.

Now Gon felt the discomfort Killua must have felt at having personal questions asked.

“Killua’s mine." Gon repeated "You were mine first.” Gon said quietly.

A faint blush painted Killua’s cheeks, but he pressed on just as Gon had  
“And what’s your type? Do you like girls or boys? Or both? Do you top or bottom? Why don’t you tell me your sexual fantasies while you’re at it?”

For the first time since seeing Killua, Gon felt his face get flushed, and Killua looked satisfied that he’d won, he’d finally got his point across.

“You have fantasies?” Gon whispered, and Killua deflated and groaned

“Ugh, go to sleep Gon!” Killua whined, giving up on the stubborn boy and calling it a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments! They really make me happy <3  
> I hope I did @fangirl justice w this one


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to post two chapters at once bc things are getting a little _spicy ___

The apple ring tone is what wakes up Killua the next morning.

Alluka.

“Good morning big brother!” Alluka beamed over the FaceTime call.

“Morning” Killua grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Big brother! Why are you still in bed? It’s almost 9:00!”

Killua usually didn’t sleep in for this long, but for some reason he’d always sleep in when Gon was in his bed.

“I went to bed late, I watched a movie” Killua answered, thinking about the fact that he had no idea what had actually happened in that movie.  
“How’s school going? Are you and Nanika behaving?”

“Of course! I made lots of friends, and I’m having a great time!” Alluka cheered.

Killua smiled, remembering the first time he left the house and made friends of his own, he glanced at Gon, who was awake and watching Killua.

“Big brother!!” Alluka exclaimed “Who’s In bed with you!?”  
Shit, Gon’s arm went into view in the call.

“Oh, it’s Gon.” Killua stated matter of factly.

Alluka gasped and displayed huge ear to ear grin “I knew it!!! I knew Killua had feelings for Gon!”

Killua got flustered “No! It’s not like that!!” he protested.

Alluka and Gon laughed at his reaction.

“If it’s not like that then why aren’t one of you sleeping on the couch!” Alluka sang, clearly loving what she was seeing.

“Ugh! You’re so embarrassing! I’m hanging up!” Killua spat, his face was undoubtedly red again.

“No! I’m happy for you gu-” Alluka managed before Killua hung up.  
Killua got out of bed quickly, not able to look at Gon.

“I think Alluka likes me!” Gon beamed, Killua chuckled.

Killua sent a text to Alluka. _‘You’re so embarrassing! It’s not like that!’_

His phone pinged _‘Okay, whatever you say big brother!'_

Killua scoffed. He opened up his email, there was a new job that needed two local hunters. Local jobs that don’t require travel usually didn’t pay that well. Not that Killua really need the money, but he thinks working with Gon will bring back some normalcy to the strange dynamic they had going on.

“Check this out,” Killua said, passing the phone to Gon.

Gon read over the email, his brows furrowed together. Killua’s phone pinged again.  
Gon read it and smiled “It’s Alluka… can I answer her?” Gon asked.

“Sure,” Killua said as he got dressed.

Gon typed for a bit before returning to reading.  
“So we need to hunt down this guy because he stole an artifact from somebody.”

Killua nodded. “Yeah, it’s this really expensive hypnosis medallion. It has nen too, it’s dangerous in the wrong hands because it can basically make someone do whatever you want them to.”

Gon stared at the picture for a moment.  
“I’m pretty sure I saw this guy at the bar the other day.”

“Really?” Killua asked. Not looking forward to likely returning to that dreaded bar, it must have been cursed or something.

“Yeah,” Gon frowned “I remember because he was looking at you a lot.”

“Oh,” Killua said “I could potentially be good bait.”

Gon got up and got dressed, still frowning “I don’t want to put you in any danger.”

“I think that guy would be in more danger with the two of us than the other way around,” Killua smiled.

Gon feigned a smile, although it was tight lipped. “Okay… if you want to we’ll take the job.”

____

They made their way to the bar in the afternoon, Killua opened his messages.  
Alluka’s message read _‘I’m just happy for you, you’ve always been so lonely and I know how close you and Gon were.’_  
Then he read the message Gon typed out, _‘Don’t worry Alluka, I’ll take care of him. -Gon’_  
Gon was not helping in convincing Alluka they were just friends. Still Killua couldn’t bring himself to feel properly annoyed.

They entered the bar again, the same red head bar tender was there.

Gon walked up to him  
“Hey, um…”

“Ian,” He filled in.

“Ian,” Gon repeated “Have you ever seen this guy?” Gon lifted up the picture on Killua’s phone.

“Yeah I’ve seen him. Here and at my other job.” Ian said. “I work at a club on the weekends and he’s always there looking creepy.”

Gon nodded, “Good, thank you. Where’s the club?”

* * *

Neither of them had ever been to night club, at least not like this one.

There was music that was so loud that they couldn’t hear each other, flashing lights that illuminated the otherwise dark atmosphere in hot pinks, and reds. There were men with fit bodies dancing while others threw tips at them.

It was a gay club. Of course it was. What did the universe have against Killua?

Gon and Killua were getting a lot of attention.

Gon leaned into Killua’s ear, he felt butterflies in his stomach when Gon got that close to him.  
“Let’s go over there,” Gon said, gesturing to a booth with the best view of the whole club. Killua nodded.

Killua and Gon gently pushed through dancing bodies, Gon once again took Killua by the wrist to make sure his companion didn’t get lost in the crowd.

When they sat, Killua made sure to sit a bit farther than normal from Gon, they started looking around.

Gon closed the distance and leaned in again, “Do you see him?” Gon asked. It made the hairs on the back of Killua’s neck stand. Why did the music have to be so loud here?  
Killua shook his head.

“Heeyy!” A stranger sang to Killua. The stranger leaned in closer, and it made Gon lean closer to hear him too. “You’re here looking for love right?”

Before Killua could answer Gon snaked his arm around Killua’s waist and pulled him close.

“No, we’re here together.” Gon shouted over the music. Killua’s heart started hammering in his chest, act natural, he told himself, he leaned into Gon, and hoped Gon couldn’t feel the pace of his heart where his hand was on his ribcage.

The stranger looked from one to another, eating them up with his eyes.  
“Well then are you two interested in a third party?”

Gon shook his head, “This is the one thing I don’t share.” He said sternly, and while Killua had managed to somehow act natural and calm, he was anything but on the inside

“Suit yourselves,” the man said before disappearing into the crowd.

Gon crept his hand onto the back of Killua’s neck, and leaned closer  
“We should act like we’re dating,” Gon explained “Since we’re undercover,”

Killua didn’t like this idea at first, but he went with it anyways.

Gon moved his hand away from his neck and to Killua’s shoulder, pulling him onto Gon. Killua melted into Gon, he could just act without thinking now.

Killua tried to look around without being obvious, he moved away from Gon and got up to go get a drink.

Killua felt Gon grab his wrist and pull him back, Killua fell onto Gon’s lap.

“Where are you going?” Gon almost growled into his ear, snaking his arm around Killua’s waist.

Killua felt like he was going to spontaneously combust. Gon was doing this fake couple thing too well for Killua not to react. When Killua’s shock subsided, he decided to be competitive about it.

Killua threw his head back onto Gon’s shoulder, and reached back to pull Gon’s ear close to his mouth. This was getting intoxicating.

“I was going to get a drink,” Killua whined.

“Why don’t you call over a waiter, dummy.” Gon accepted the challenge, he grabbed Killua’s waist, keeping him in place and gently squeezing his sides. Killua was grateful for the loud music because without it Gon definitely would have heard the small sound that escaped him.

Killua obeyed, he raised his hand and a waiter caught eye of him and started to make their way over.

“Good boy,” Gon whispered.

What had Killua gotten himself into. If it wasn’t for the flashing lights his blush would have been giving away how much he was enjoying this.

“He’d like an iced tea.” Gon said for him.

“Absolutely,” The waiter smiled at the cute couple.


	6. VI

When the waiter left Killua saw a guy matching the description from the corner of his eye. Killua glanced more obviously, he was in the corner of the bar directly behind the place in the booth they were sitting at.

He leaned close to Gon “He’s behind us, should we switch over to the other side?”

“That’s too obvious,” Gon thought for a moment longer. “I have an idea, follow my lead.”

He grabbed Killua by the waist and made him face him, then pulled him close so that Killua was straddling Gon. 

Gon tilted his head up towards his ear “You can see him perfectly now, right?”

Killua didn’t know how much longer he could take this undercover mission before getting hard.

The suspect looked at him, fuck. Killua lowered his head and pretended to kiss Gon’s neck “He caught me looking at him,”

“Act natural” Gon said, reaching his hand up and raking his fingers through Killua’s hair, pulling him closer so that his lips actually touched Gon’s neck. Fuck.

Killua’s eyes fluttered closed, he kissed Gon’s neck and tasted Gon, smelt Gon, his senses were overwhelmed by Gon and before he could really think about it his body was begging for more. 

His hands travelled up Gon’s toned sides to his shoulders, his body was so fit. He squeezed him, he didn’t want Gon to go anywhere. His heart was hammering in his ribcage and he moved up to gently bite Gon’s ear lobe. 

Gon titled his head so that Killua would have more access. Killua started to kiss and nibble down Gon’s jawline, his hands moving frantically around Gon’s body, feeling and squeezing. His mind was in a haze, for the first time in his life he didn’t have thoughts racing around his head he was completely absorbed in the moment, and in primal instinct.

Killua was getting completely lost in Gon, forgetting entirely about the mission. Killua’s hips moved of their own volition and grinded into the boy, and Gon’s hands squeezed his sides in response almost making him do it again, fuck. 

Killua somehow looked up at the perfect moment only by chance because God knows he wasn’t even half as interested in the suspect, but he caught him slipping out from the back door.

Killua tried to stand up but Gon anchored him in place, “What are you doing, don’t be obvious,” Gon said into his ear, and it came out like a desperate whine. That’s not fair, Killua thought. No one can even hear his voice.

“He just left from the back door, let’s go.” Killua said, before getting off of the boy and subtly adjusting himself so you couldn’t tell he was hard. Killua couldn’t bring himself to look at Gon for awhile, he just headed straight for the exit door and hoped Gon was right behind him.

The cool air of the night was very welcome, it calmed Killua down and made him rational again. Killua spotted the suspect turning the corner of the dark alley to make his way to the main street.

He didn’t see him but he felt Gon’s presence behind him.  
“He turned that corner,” Killua said, his voice a bit raspy.

“Let’s go,” Gon said in a low tone.

The boys made their way to the corner, automatically using their Zetsu while they peaked to see the suspect making his way down the street.

They followed him, Killua’s footsteps were inaudible, but Gon needed to work more on his.

They followed him successfully down a block, Killua was grateful it was impossible to say a word to each other while following him, because he had no idea what to say or even how to look at Gon after all of that.

The suspect made an abrupt stop. Just as he was about to turn around, Gon thought fast and dragged Killua into the alleyway that was next to them.  
“That was really close,” Gon whispered.

They went quiet again and heard the footsteps approaching.

Killua’s eyes went wide, fuck had he seen them?

Gon grabbed Killua’s collar and gently shoved him against the brick wall, effectively knocking the wind out of him.

Gon gripped Killua’s head in both hands, and then smashed his lips against his in a frantic kiss. 

Killua’s heart skipped a beat. Gon kissed him as if he was starving, he leaned his full body against the boy, pining him against the wall while he his tongue traced a line against Killua’s lower lip.  
Killua moaned and Gon took advantage of his parted mouth to kiss him deeper, Killua grasped at Gon desperately. He felt like if he didn’t grasp onto Gon, his legs would’ve given out. 

Killua kissed him back, all the pent-up years of wanting Gon taking control of his movements. Small noises escaped Killua, ones that he never heard from himself. His brain barely registered the suspect peaking the corner before leaving at the sight of the lovers.

Gon was about to break away from the kiss but Killua’s arm anchored him in place. _Stop! Let him go! What are you doing? _A rational part of Killua screamed at him internally.  
But Killua’s body was moving of its own volition, desperately grabbing at Gon and keeping him in place.__

Gon kissed him back for a moment longer, but he slowed down the pace of this kiss. Effectively calming Killua down, and making Killua’s rational brain take control again. Gon pulled away slightly, and Killua barely let him. 

“Killua, he left already. We’re going to lose him.” Gon whispered, he gently pulled away. Killua was grateful for the brick wall behind him, giving him time to gain his composure and will his body to work normally again. 

Killua finally looked up at the taller boy. His lips were redder, slightly swollen and glistening. He looked gorgeous. Killua notices a faint hickey on Gon’s neck that he must have left on him at the bar. 

Gons eyes were staring intently at Killua, analyzing Killua and seemingly looking into his soul at the same time. 

_He knows. _Killua’s insecurity whispered to him__

____

__

“You okay?” Gon whispered. 

“Of course I am, idiot. It was for the case.” Killua huffed, not being able to look at him any longer. This case was supposed to make things calm down, not torture Killua by giving him a taste of what he can’t have. 

Killua moved away from Gon, going after the suspect again. 

He saw the suspect enter a corner store. They ran after him and looked through the window. 

The suspect was using the medallion on the cashier. The cashier mindlessly opened the cash register and started taking out money. 

“Gon, don’t look at the medallion no matter what.” Killua said, “Wait on that side of the door.” Gon nodded, knowing exactly the plan. 

The suspect approached the door, counting the bills in hand. He distracted himself and was caught completely off guard. As he left Gon grabbed his arm and effectively knocked him down to the floor and twisted one of his arms back painfully. Killua grabbed the other arm while Gon used a nen infused zip tie to bind his hands together behind him. Killua reached into his pocket and grabbed the medallion, while calling the cops with the other.  
“Easy peasy!” Gon beamed. 

They walked to Killua’s apartment. Killua was quieter than usual but Gon looked like he was radiating with the high of the whole night. 

“We solved that so fast! He had no idea we were after him.” Gon rambled, Killua just nodded. “I think we were convincing enough.” Gon chuckled. 

Killua almost winced at that joke. He had so many mixed feelings over the night, he has never had so many conflicting thoughts and emotions at once. Did he love everything that happened, or was this the worse thing that could have ever happened for his own well-being. 

The whole way home Killua’s thoughts spiraled while Gon went on rambling like nothing had happened. 

They finally arrived at Killua’s apartment. 

“So Killua, have you decided if you’re coming with me when I go?” Gon said, something about his tone sounded nervous. 


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning in the beginning- Killua goes thru a mini depressive episode w very self deprecating thoughts.  
> Skip to the ‘****’ to avoid this.

“So Killua, have you decided if you’re coming with me when I go?” Gon said, something about his tone sounded nervous.

“I don’t know Gon. I don’t want to talk about that.” Gon couldn’t have picked a worse time to ask him, Killua’s head is at the wrong place.  
But Gon was riding on the high of the whole night, and Killua was agonizing over the taste of what he could never have.

“I’m sleeping on the couch today,” Killua said.

And that's when Gon finally realized how downhill things were going.

“Killua, I’m sorry I kissed you without asking first.”

“I really, really, don’t want to talk right now Gon. I just need some space, and some sleep.” Killua felt exhausted.

“Okay, I’ll give you whatever you need, but I’m sleeping on the couch, you take the bed.” Gon negotiated.

Killua didn’t have the energy to argue so he nodded.

He closed the door behind him and went straight into bed.

His bed felt freezing cold.

Now in the privacy of his room, Killua finally allowed himself to really feel.

Killua wanted the high of being around Gon and he had it, but now he had to face the horrible comedown.

His body started shaking and tears escaped his eyes as he succumbed to a quiet cry.

He thought about the highs of the night, how it had felt so exhilarating, incredible, and just so right, to be by Gon’s side. To touch Gon the way he wanted to for years, and that kiss, that kiss was too much for Killua to wrap his head around.

His bed was still freezing cold while the boy wept silently. When Gon was in his bed it was so warm, and now that he’d become accustomed to it, Gon’s absence made him feel cold and empty.

Gon really is so insensitive. Saying Killua was his, making Killua pretend to be his boyfriend, kissing Killua with so much passion, sleeping next to him every night, cooking and enjoying breakfast with him every morning.

Even though Gon may not have known that Killua had feelings for him for all these years, he knows that Killua is gay. How could he do these things to Killua and not expect Killua to fall in love with him?

In love. That’s what this was. Killua has fallen in love with Gon. This is exactly what he feared might happen if he agreed to seeing Gon again and here he was. Now he was in love with some one he could never have, someone he didn’t come close to deserving to have.

Gon is this incredible force of nature that everyone loved. He’s determined, strong, cordial, sociable, someone that everyone likes and wants to be friends with. He’s so easy to get along with, he’s just himself and people love him, they gravitate towards his magnetic presence just as Killua had.

And Killua was the polar opposite. A trained assassin, incapable of being in any sort of deep relationship, never having seen or felt what functional mutual love was supposed to be like. Always taught that friends were an unneeded liability. Killua didn’t have friends, Gon was his only friend and he was about to ruin this too.

Killua was constantly worried about Gon replacing him with somebody. Somebody better, more sociable, lovable, easier to get along with. While Gon was this irreplaceable, important figure in his life, Killua was one of many friends that Gon made just as easily as he and Killua had become close.

No one loved Killua. Many thought he was physically attractive, but Killua on the inside is as scarred as the skin on his body. Unlovable.

Killua’s silent crying was causing him a pulsing migraine, and he was finally tired. Killua drifted into a troubled sleep.  
  


* * *

****

“Killua!” Gon whisper-yelled.

Killua blinked awake in the dark surroundings, it must have been around 3am.

Gon was hovering over him in bed with a concerned expression. His hands were on Killua’s shoulders.

Killua didn’t know exactly why, but he jolted up and grabbed Gon in a tight hug, his body reacting before his mind had fully came to. Killua was damp in cold sweat.

“It’s just a dream, I’m here. It was just a dream.” Gon said.

What had been Killua dreaming about? He remembers now. The day that Gon was in the hospital after battling Neferpitou.

“You were calling out my name,” Gon whispered, “You were telling me not to leave you.”

Killua was too groggy and exhausted to be embarrassed. He just held Gon for a bit longer, with this irrational relief that Gon was okay and with him. He didn’t realize until now his face was wet with tears.

“It’s okay Killua, I’m right here. It was just a dream.” Gon repeated in a soothing tone while petting Killua’s hair.

Killua didn’t yet have his usual alertness or self-consciousness, so when he felt Gon’s hands reach down to slowly peel off his damp tank top, he just raised his arms to let him take care of him.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Gon asked.

Killua shook his head, “I’m exhausted, I just want to sleep.” Killua was shocked at the sound of his own voice, it was congested and raw from crying. Killua couldn’t remember the last time he heard his voice like that.

“Okay, hold on.” Gon said, he went to Killua’s bathroom and grabbed a towel. Gon used the towel to dry Killua’s torso fully before placing in on the bed for him and Killua laid down.

Gon traced patterns onto Killua’s back to sooth him. It made Killua’s skin react to the touch, goosebumps appeared on his whole body and he shivered.

Gon stayed there, caressing Killua’s skin, until he was no longer sniffling, until his breathing slowed and Killua’s facial expression relaxed. After about 10 minutes, when Gon was satisfied that Killua was okay, he got up to sleep on the sofa.

Killua spoke up. “Stay with me?” He croaked, “Please.”

Something in Gon’s expression softened.

Gon got into the bed naturally, as if it were his own, and laid down next to Killua.

Gon fell asleep quickly by his side. Killua recognized Gon was asleep by the sound of his breathing. He hated how intimate they were getting because it was fucking torturous. He doesn’t know how much longer he could do it for.

Just as he was about to go spiraling again, Gon turned over in his sleep and wrapped his arm around Killua’s waist, before pulling him close.

Killua felt a single tear escape his eye, he leaned into Gon’s warmth.

For today he was just going to enjoy this.

* * *

Gon woke up the next morning embracing Killua. Killua was still asleep. Gon had never held Killua like this, but it felt like paradise. No vacation, no beach, no sunny day, could ever compare to the warmth and contentedness he felt waking up with Killua in his arms. Gon felt like he should start every day like this, and would be crushed if it was someone else that woke up with Killua in their arms.

Just as Gon was deciding he was going to stay there, unmoving until Killua woke up, he remembered Killua hardly ate anything the day before. Gon decided he was going to make breakfast for Killua. He got out of the bed very carefully so as not to disturb the beautiful boy in front of him.  
  


“Good morning!” Gon beamed when Killua walked out of his bedroom.

He came out at the perfect time, Gon had just finished. Gon had made scrambled eggs, breakfast sausages, he’d even made a yogurt breakfast bowl with fruits as a breakfast-desert of sorts.

Killua’s apartment was perfectly situated next to a corner store so Gon was able to run and be back within minutes and get everything he’d wanted to make.

Killua stared at the small table filled with food. Gon felt worried, had he gone over the top?

“Uh, morning,” Killua blinked awake before sitting at the table.

Gon watched happily while Killua scarfed down the food.

“You like it?” Gon asked.

Killua couldn’t even get a word in because his mouth was so full so he nodded enthusiastically. Gon smiled.

“Is Killua feeling better today?”

“Yeah,” Killua said a little too quickly, finishing his plate.

“So then can we talk about yesterday?”

Killua tensed a bit at the question. He took a sip of his coffee.

After a long moment he replied, “I’m not coming with you.”

“Why?” Gon immediately shot back.

“A lot of reasons.”

“Like what?” The stubborn boy persisted.

Killua huffed, “For one, Alluka’s at school now but she’s home during the summer-”

“We could fly back every summer!”

“I- don’t have a lot of money to be travelling like that,”

“I’ll pay for you! We can make money together quick!”

“…I work here,” Killua said lamely, running out of excuses.

“You’re a hunter you can work anywhere!”

Finally Killua raised his voice.  
“I’m not going!”

“Why!” Gon matched Killua’s energy  
“Killua’s not giving me any reason that makes sense!”

Killua didn’t reply for a moment.

Gon continued “I know you don’t like talking about how you feel but give me a real reason! If you don’t want to be my friend anymore just say that!”

“Friend.” Killua spat.

“Killua, I want to be by your side always!”

Something in Killua snapped, “That’s the fucking problem Gon! It fucking hurts! It kills me and you don’t even see it!”

Gon was baffled now, “What do you mean? Being my friend hurts?”

Killua rubbed his face “I need space.”

“Space? You’ll have all the space in the world when I leave.” Gon whined.

Killua didn’t know how to answer, and Gon didn’t know what’s what anymore. Nothing made sense, but Killua needed space so Gon grabbed his jacket and left.

Killua was done. He was done with this torturous thing they had going on. But Killua also had all of this pent up sexual tension, Gon was playing with his feelings and Killua was going to play back. He'd gone over the edge and went from his overly cautious persona to his chaotic dark-side that doesn’t give a fuck about the consequences.

He grabbed his phone and scrolled through the contacts.

His phone rung once… twice… three times… “Come on answer,” Killua huffed.

Killua heard a click on the other line, but there was no warm greeting, no greeting at all.

“If you want closure come to my place tonight.” Killua said,

“Why do y-" Killua hung up and texted him the address.


	8. VIII

Gon didn’t know where to go in this city, so he decided to go to the bar.

Gon sat at the bar exactly where Killua had sat when he came a week ago. What had Gon done to make Killua so mad at him?

“Can I have a bourbon, please?” Gon asked Ian.

Space? Killua wanted more space? But he also wanted Gon to leave without him, so Killua doesn’t want to see Gon at all anymore?

“Here you go,” Ian purred “Where’s your other half?”

Gon huffed, “I think he wants nothing to do with me anymore.”

Ian hesitated for a moment, and it made Gon look at him “What?”

Ian sighed, “You know, being a bar tender and all, people usually tell me all their problems.” He started “Usually I don’t get involved, in fact usually I don’t even care that much. But you two are just too cute to not intervene.”

“Huh? Has Killua talked about me to you?” Gon asked, “Why is he mad at me?”

The bar tender smirked, “You’ve never told him how you feel right?”

Gon stuttered for a second, “I don’t think Killua sees me like that… every time I try to make a move he pulls away or reacts badly.”

Ian thought about how to word what he wanted to say for a moment, he licked his lips “I think, you should go and tell him how you feel, straight up, no possibilities for confusion.”

Gon felt scared for a moment, but the more he thought about it, the better of an idea it was.

The bartender made Gon realize that he’d never actually told Killua directly how he felt. If Killua didn’t feel the same way, it would suck a bit, but the friendship seemed like it wasn’t going anywhere now either, so this was the best time to take a risk.

Gon devised a plan.

* * *

When Killua opened the door the first thing he noticed was that everything about Ethan’s posture and demeanour said professional,

“You know I don’t know why you dragged me out here, but I’m quite over the thing we had, I’m even starting to see other people,” Ethan said matter-of-factly. “I don’t even need closure or anything.”

Killua was looking at the floor, but when he said that last line he looked up at him through his lashes, chin tilted down still, “So why did you come?”

Ethan stuttered at the bluntness, his façade coming undone. Killua stepped into his house, and after a moment of hesitation Ethan followed.

Killua sat on the barstool to his kitchen island, he had two glasses of Rose prepared, Ethan’s favourite. Ethan tried to ignore the pull on his heart.

Ethan sat next to Killua. Killua was taking a long sip while making eye contact.

Killua licked his lips “Here’s the thing,” Ethan gulped at how different his tone and demeanour was, “You were right, I was using you, you look like the straight guy I’m in love with. I’m sorry I’m a horrible person,” Killua purred, instead of sounding apologetic he sounded seductive.

Ethan felt like he was prey talking to a predator, and he was equal parts nervous and thrilled.

“And you see, I have all this pent up frustration from him being around the last few days,” Killua got off his barstool and leaned over, crossing his arms behind Ethan’s neck “So since everything is clear and there’s no bullshit,” Killua said more quietly, inching closer to his ear, “Would you let me use you again?”

Ethan almost melted “Oh God, yes”

* * *

As Gon got closer and closer to Killua’s apartment, he got more and more unsure of what he was doing.

It was so out of character for him, Gon was never unsure if he should or shouldn’t say something or do something. He hated it. But the bartender made a good point. Gon was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of a moan coming from Killua’s apartment.

Gon opened the door abruptly.

Killua was on the couch with Ethan, he was straddling him the way he had been Gon at the bar, and they were kissing. Ethan broke the kiss and they both turned to look at Gon.

Ethan’s hand were on Killua’s hips, Ethan’s lips had been on Killua’s, Gon felt like he might throw up.

Ethan gently moves Killua off of him, Gon can’t help but see all the evidence of Killua’s intimacy all over him.

Ethan’s lips were swollen and red, he had a couple hickey’s on his neck, his hair was all disheveled and his pants were tenting from all the excitement.

Every detail pisses Gon off more and more. Like Killua had done something that was not allowed, had betrayed him and their unspoken rules. Ethan doesn’t make eye contact with Gon and just politely excuses himself, walking past Gon and out the door.

Gon doesn’t even know what to say but the anger in his stomach is boiling up, and he balls his hands into fists when he notices they had started shaking.

Gon waits for the door to click shut behind him.  
The only thing that came to mind was “What the fuck, Killua,”

Killua pulls a cigarette out of the pack, and makes his way to the balcony. Gon follows him and watched Killua light the cigarette, and exhale as the smoke circles slowly in the air, almost accurately reflecting how tense the atmosphere was. Killua looked stunning, illuminated by the street lights with that cold expression on his face.

Killua becomes irritated at Gon’s staring as if he’d done something wrong,  
“You ruined my hook-up.” Killua said coldly.

“What?” Gon was flabbergasted as he made his way directly in front of Killua. “Hook-up? You said you were saving it for someone special.”

“I can’t have that someone special.” Killua looked away.

Gon remembered everything the bar tender had told him up until now. All rationale left Gon, having seen Killua with Ethan, seen what it would look like to lose Killua to someone else. Gon didn’t care about the risks or the what-ifs, and it was never in his nature to do so anyways.

Gon grabbed Killua’s jaw and made him LOOK at him. Gon’s other hand was on the glass door behind Killua, Killua had no where to move. Killua looked at the wide Amber eyes looking down at him, studying him. His serious demeanor making his sculpted face look sharper. Fuck he looked so attractive.

“Killua, I’ve never known you to be dense” Gon said, scarily low, matching Killua’s energy. “So there’s no way your special someone is me, right?” Killua froze like a deer in headlights, staring wide-eyed at the almost blank expression Gon takes on when he’s mad.

At the silence, Gon continued,

“Because if it’s me, there’s no way in hell you could have deluded yourself into thinking I don’t want you back.” Killua’s normally sharp head was spinning, the double, triple, negatives mixed with his doubt making him take irrationally long to process the words Gon had just said.

“What?” Killua whispered, it must have been a minute since Killua last blinked but he still couldn’t look away from Gon for a second, not wanting to miss any hint of a joke or sarcasm in his face.

Gon continued, growing angry, “And if you knew how I felt, how could you let someone that’s not me touch you like this,” he growled, tilting Killua’s head up so that their lips were dangerously close, “In front of me… knowing how much I want you.”

Killua completely dropped his cigarette. His previous cold mood was shattered, his usually sharp mind was blank, and he was in complete shock, he couldn’t say anything as he felt heat in his face and stomach trickle down south at the taller boys words.


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning!  
> Smut is not my specialty however I hope it's still half decent to read.

Gon continued, growing angry, “And if you knew how I felt, how could you let someone that’s not me touch you like this,” he growled, tilting Killua’s head up so that their lips were dangerously close, “In front of me… knowing how much I want you.”

Killua completely dropped his cigarette. His previous cold mood was shattered, his usually sharp mind was blank, and he was in complete shock, he couldn’t say anything as he felt heat in his face and stomach trickle down south at the taller boys words.

Gon crashed their lips together for the second time in Killua’s life, but to Killua this time was the first time.

Killua kissed back desperately, grabbing at every firm part of Gon he could, he felt Gon’s hands glide down his back, over his ass and to his thighs, lifting Killua up, Killua’s legs crossed behind Gon's slim waist and Gon squeezed Killua’s thighs while he carried Killua inside.

Killua licked up Gon’s neck, gently biting his ear lobe and Gon moaned.  
“So it wasn’t just for the case,” Gon huffed

Killua laugh-sobbed before grasping for Gon’s face again, kissing him almost furiously for not telling him directly sooner.

Gon broke the kiss to throw Killua onto the bed, Killua whimpered when his back touched the bed at the loss of contact.

He needed more, Gon crawled up to meet him and Killua yanked his shirt up with impatience.

Gon grabbed Killua’s wrists and pinned them by Killua’s head.  
"Easy, I'm savouring this." he purred into his ear, he was going to drive Killua mad.

He stared down at Killua, who was all red, flustered and pretty like he had been on his first day back.

“I want to be your first, but-” Gon whispered, Killua cut him off with a desperate kiss, still high on the whole situation, the only thing making him feel like this was real was when he had Gon right where he wanted him.

Killua tried to kiss him again but Gon pulled away, “Wait-"

Killua didn’t let him finish, “Less talking, more touching” Killua breathed, flipping the boy over with competitive lust.

Now on top of Gon Killua ripped open Gon’s tank top. The hungry, instinctual, assassin part of his brain making him act without thinking.

Killua leaned over and started licking, kissing and biting every inch of Gon’s exposed muscular torso as he slowly moved upwards towards his mouth, Gon moaned and curved his spine to make his skin meet Killua’s lips quicker.

“Killua,” Gon moaned, and Killua couldn’t take how hot all of this was.

He couldn’t wait for Gon to make the first move, so his free hand moved down and gripped Gon over his pants, he felt Gon’s hard and thick length through the fabric.

Gon moaned out again, throwing his head back, Killua wanted to hear Gon make that sound over and over again.

“Killua wait-“ Gon breathed.

Killua moved up to give Gon’s beautiful neck more attention again. Gon felt a hot tongue push into his Adams apple and then carve out his jawline while Killua grinded into the part of Gon that was demanding the most attention. Gon was red and flustered having never been touched like that and Killua finally felt like he was in control.

“I’ve waited years I can’t wait anymore,” Killua whined against his neck.

Gon’s grip on Killua’s arms became more stern. He pushed Killua back to make him look into Gon's eyes.

“I can’t do this if you’re not mine.” Gon whimpered.

Killua froze, he pulled back to look at Gon seriously, who was as flushed and unraveled as Killua was.  
Was Gon asking him out?  
  


“and mine only,” Gon said, looking more vulnerable than Killua had ever seen him.

Killua felt like someone was asking him if he wanted a winning lottery ticket.

"You idiot… I don’t want to be anyone else’s.” Killua kissed Gon more tenderly this time, a bit of that chaotic rush controlled for a minute.  
“Now let me have you all to myself.”

Killua kissed the sensitive spots on Gon’s torso that he’d already memorized making Gon go weak again, Killua’s trail of kisses went downwards this time. 

Gon started feeling a mental haze take over as he gave into the moment and let Killua make him feel so good, free of any worry.

He started unbuttoning Gon’s shorts and sliding his shorts and boxers down at the same time.

Gon moaned out, “What… are you… doing?” he managed between breaths.

Killua had never done this before and didn’t intend on doing it now, he just wanted to see Gon, but once he saw Gon’s length and girth and the full glory of the unraveled boy he’d fantasized about all these years, he wanted to taste Gon.

Killua grabbed the swollen base and pumped a couple times and watched Gon’s torso flex in response, Killua stuck him tongue out and slowly licked up Gon’s length.

“Oh my God, Killua,” Gon squeezed the bed sheets at his sides and threw his head back for a moment before making eye contact with Killua again.

And once he tasted Gon he just wanted more, to hear Gon make that sound again, to test how far down he could take him in his mouth.

Killua made direct eye contact with those seductive piercing blue eyes while he opened and wide and took Gon into his mouth.  
Gon hissed.

Killua went as low as he could before Gon's tip was pressing into the back of his mouth and then slowly pulled back.  
“Fuck,” Gon whimpered.

Gon was too hung for Killua to take him all at once, he was about a fist away from his hips so he used his hand to pump while he sucked down and up his thick length.

“Oh my God, Killua,” Gon’s eyes were hooded, Killua was forcing all kinds of unrecognizable sounds from him and Gon wasn’t thinking while he reached to grab Killua’s hair, he involuntarily bucked his hips up and fucked Killua’s mouth.

Killua moaned in encouragement on his length sending vibrations into Gon and Gon couldn’t help but keep fucking Killua’s eager little mouth. Gon watched as Killua touched himself with his free hand while shamelessly taking him in his mouth.

The sight was too much to bear and Gon was feeling an addicting and steady peak coming all too soon.

Gon’s moans started to get louder and he fisted Killua’s hair trying to slow him down, “Killua-“ He grunted “Slow down or I’ll-"

Gon pulled his hair back to force Killua to stop before he took him over the edge.

A trail of saliva stuck from Gon’s harder than ever dick to Killua’s wet swollen lips. Killua pushed back towards him, ignoring the pain on his scalp to close the distance with his tongue. He licked the tip again before Gon’s grip got weak and he took Gon back in completely.

Deep throating him for the first time, Gon felt Killua’s throat swallow around him and it took him over the edge as he convulsed and came into Killua’s throat. And Killua came right after he heard Gon's low animalistic moan.

It took a moment for Gon’s senses to come back, and when he came to, Killua had finished cleaning himself off and was now cleaning Gon with a warm towel.  
“Killua come here,” Gon tried to say but it came out more like a mumble.

Killua threw the towel into his hamper and crawled up next to Gon, Gon kissed him slow and steady, “No fair, I didn’t even touch you,” Gon whined, half asleep at how much energy that took out of him.

Killua rested his head on Gon’s chest, Killua loved how perfectly their bodies seem to fit together.

“I loved it too, don’t worry” Killua smiled. His brain was still fuzzy with more feel-good chemicals than Killua thought was possible.

“Still not fair.. tomorrow I’m fucking you senseless.” Gon whined.

"You can't just start like that!" Killua laughed, "You have to you know... prepare me and stuff."

"We'll figure it out together." Gon held Killua tight and kissed the top of his head. "And then you can tell me about those fantasies of yours."

Killua nuzzled into his chest, ready to drift off into the best sleep of his night. A part of him couldn't believe that none of this had been a dream.

Just as Killua was about to give into sleep, Gon whispered

“I love you, Killua” 

"I love you too,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this a good ending or do you guys want more!? Let me know.


	10. X

Killua stared at the items in his fridge. Seeing a lot of things, but not knowing how to do the alchemic magic that makes a meal. 

Killua woke up in the best way that morning, he didn’t know where Gon began and Killua ended since they were a whole mess of tangles limbs.   
He took longer than he’d ever admit to freely admire the stunning view that was Gon. 

That was when he’d felt a small wave of fear take over. Killua had never been a boyfriend… he’s never seen a functional relationship, what was he supposed to do? Do things change between them now? Killua felt lost for a moment, and that was when his mind wandered to Gon making him breakfast the day before. Gon knows how to love so naturally, so Killua decided he would try to do the same for Gon. 

And here he was realizing he didn’t know how to cook literally anything.

The younger boy decided it shouldn’t be that hard to fry a couple eggs. Killua cracked an egg into the still-cold pan and the yolk broke. Shit, okay this one’s mine, he thought. Before cracking another one successfully next to it.  
He impatiently waited for the egg to cook, and decided to turn it up to max heat. 

The memories of yesterday rushed back into Killua’s mind making his face flush and a big grin split on his face. 

They were.. dating.. right? Gon had asked Killua to be only his.   
His cheeks quickly started to feel pained at the unnatural expression he rarely used. He probably looked like such a dork, how embarrassing, Killua thought.

 _Boyfriends_ … the new label still felt unnatural. 

Suddenly Gon crept up behind him and squeezed Killua’s sides as he pressed his hips into the boy. Killua almost dropped his spatula.

“What are you smiling about?” Gon purred into his ear, “It better be me or I’ll get really jealous.”

Gon’s tone went straight to Killua’s dick, and Killua didn’t have to over think about how he should act anymore because his hormones were working for him. 

He threw his head back onto Gon’s shoulders and reached back to the taller boy’s neck and whispered in a sultry tone,   
“I was thinking about how I sucked you dry yesterday.”

Gon bit his lower lip at the confession.

He picked up Killua by his waist and spun him around before bending the white haired boy over the kitchen island. He quickly grabbed the pale boys thin arms and crossed them behind his back, holding them hostage with only one hand while the other squeezed his hip.

“And I was thinking about what I’ll do to you next.” Gon grunted while rolling his hips into Killua.

Killua had no more snarky remarks and his jaw dropped when he gasped at the sensation of being dominated by the competitive older boy, feeling Gon's hard dick press against his ass. 

Suddenly a blaring fire alarm went off. 

Killua jumped and covered his sensitive ears at the sound while Gon was laughing hysterically at the burnt attempt at a breakfast.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Killua prodded the ceiling device with a broomstick and effectively popped the batteries out of the annoying thing, silencing it.

Gon was still laugh-crying.   
“Killua’s so funny,” he said as he threw out the burnt egg.

Killua deflated, his first attempt at doing something 'boyfriendy' being a failure.

“But thank you,” Gon chimed, leaning in and giving him an innocent kiss on the lips, “It was very sweet of you.”   
Killua grew irritated at the sympathy.

“I wouldn’t have burned it if you hadn’t gone all horny on me.” Killua huffed and crossed his arms, looking like a pouty brat.   
Right on que his stomach growled.

Gon smiled, “I’m sure that’s true, let me buy you breakfast today?”

Killua smiled softly, this would be like their first date right?

* * *

Killua felt full and content. As if his life had peaked and he was experiencing the best days of his life.

They made their way to Leorio's surprise party at Kurapika’s house as promised the week prior, and Killua genuinely couldn’t wait to tell his close friend everything that had happened between him and the man he’d been pining over all these years.

Killua went with a black long sleeve layered with a white v neck t shirt, and black pants with long knee high laced up boots. Gon on the other hand looked like his complete opposite, sporting a green and white varsity jacket which despite being huge was still snug around his chest and biceps.

They arrived at the house party. There was loud music playing, lights that danced around the walls from a strobe light, and lots of people drinking and smoking. Some that he recognized from the hunter exams and others he didn’t know at all.

Everyone held red plastic cups filled with liquor. There were groups of people, some playing beer pong, another group smoking weed out of a huge bong on the sofa, and another big social group laughing loudly. Killua would never have gone to this type of event by himself but with Gon by his side he felt better.

Killua felt slightly self conscious when a bunch of heads turned at their arrival.

The couple went over to the self-serve bar expertly placed and planned by Kurapika. There was a few choices of chips and finger foods, sodas, and a variety of drinks. Killua noticed a salt shaker and a few slices of lime around a plate.

“Tequila, right?” Gon said as he read the bottle, he proceeded to pour shots for the two of them.

Gon was about to down the whole thing before Killua stopped him.

“What are you doing, baby?” The word mindlessly slipped out of his mouth, “What do you think the salt and lime is here for, decoration?” Killua laughed.

When Killua saw Gon’s confused expression he finally caught on.

“Oh, okay… watch me.” Killua instructed.

Killua brought the back of his hand up to his lips and slowly licked while making eye contact with Gon.

Gon gulped while watching his tongue, slowly drag across the pale skin.  
“What are you doing? You look like a kitten.” Gon joked.

Killua then poured salt that stuck to the wet skin.

“Oh,” Gon muttered before doing the same, curiosity piqued.

Killua licked his lips while he watched the dark haired boy do the same.

“Now we’re going to lick the salt, take the shot, and then bite into the lime, okay?” Killua instructed, giving Gon a shot and a slice on lime, before taking his own.

“Ready?” Killua asked, Gon nodded and they clinked their glasses together before doing as told.  
Gon's face scrunched up as he bit into the lime and sucked the sour juice out.

“Ahhh, so many strong flavours,” Gon croaked.

Killua laughed at how cute Gon is. How Gon managed to be cute, hot, and sexy all at once a feat only he could master.

Gon chased with another sweeter alcoholic drink to get the flavour out of his mouth, and Killua did the same.

Killua noticed a few girls staring at them intensely.

“Oh my God they’re so hot” the blonde one exclaimed shamelessly. Killua scanned the room for Kurapika, wanting desperately to find their people.

“Ugh I know right, the one with the varsity jacket though.” The brunette piped in.

“Really? I want the pretty one with the white hair he seems like he’d be into all sorts of kinky shit,” The girls started giggling and looking them up and down.

Gon put a possessive arm around Killua when he sensed his tension. Killua almost melted at the touch.

The girls deflated, “Fuck why are the hot ones always…”

“Killua!” Kurapika shouted, Oh thank God, Killua thought, finally spotting his friend waving.

“You go, I’ll make a couple drinks for us.” Gon encouraged.

  
“Killua! Thanks for coming, Leorio should be here in an hour.” Kurapika explained, holding two cups with some laced fruit punch, he handed a cup to Killua.

“Cool,” Killua was smiling a little too hard and Kurapika immediately knew something was up.

“What’s up with you? Why you all smiley like that?” Kurapika interrogated playfully.

Killua’s tight lipped smile turned into a blinding toothy smile at the bubbly emotions stirring up in him at the thought of updating his friend about everything that had happened.

“I have so much to tell you,” Killua said lowly.

“Yeah, I’ll bet you do,” Kurapika smiled “and who’s that guy that came with you two?”

“Huh?” Killua turned around and spotted Gon enthusiastically talking with this guy Killua had never seen in his life.

The butterflies to his stomach came to a harsh halt. Who the fuck was that?

“I… don’t know.”

Killua mindlessly downed the whole cup, while watching the two talk like a total stalker.

The guy talking to Gon was this admittedly cute short guy with blonde hair and aqua blue eyes. He was wearing this dumb hat and baggy clothes but besides his strange get-up, it was undeniable that he had a really cute face and probably a good physique under those baggy clothes. 

Kurapika filled Killua’s empty cup again. “So what did you want to tell me?”

That was when the short boy laughed unnecessarily hard at something Gon had said and laid his hand on Gon’s bicep. Killua felt a wave of anger wash over him at the sight of someone feeling up what was his.

“I-I’ll tell you in a minute.” Killua said, legs walking towards them of their own volition.

Gon must have sensed Killua burning a hole in his back and he turned to see Killua coming,

“Killua!” He said enthusiastically.

Killua approached silently, with a poker face that hid all emotions bubbling within him.

“This is Retz, remember my friend from Green Villa I told you about?” Gon explained.

Retz, of course Killua remembered how insistently Gon had talked about him. Such a stupid fucking name, _Retz_.

Gon turned to Retz now, “And this is my best friend, Killua!”

“Nice to meet you,” Retz said, extending out his hand to Killua.

Friend? Did Gon just say… _friend?_

Killua never had a word feel like punch in the gut before.

Killua stared at the hand extended out to him.  
Something in Killua’s expression must have frightened Retz because he flinched subtly before finally retracting his unshaken hand.

Friend? So when Gon had asked Killua to be his… it just meant they weren’t seeing other people? 

Killua feels an old, painful thought pattern creeping back up into his psyche. Gon starts going on and on about Retz and although Killua knows Gon is talking, not a single word registers into his brain. But Gon had said ‘I love you’, was that I love you only the friendly kind he’d heard so many times before? 

Gon throws his arm over Retz shoulder at one point during his enthusiastic ramblings and Killua’s instincts wanted to snarl at the guy, but instead Killua downed the rest of his recently re-filled cup.

The sight of this short guy under Gon’s arm intensified the growing anger in him with every slow second that passed while the boys latched to each other happily.  
Killua couldn’t hold it in anymore,

“Why is he even here.” Killua hissed, “Why is he at OUR friends party.”

Retz crossed his arms and furrowed his brows, flaunting the pouty brat look even better than Killua could.

“Killua,” Gon whined, not liking how the two were reacting to each other.

“I’m here because Gon invited me.” Retz explained slowly, “So I flew from Green Villa to come be here with him. Is that a problem?”

The assassin knew himself well enough to know that if he let things escalate he’d end up crippling the guy in front of him.

Killua tongued his cheek, “Have fun with each other then.”

He left immediately heading to the hard liquor. And when he turned around and saw Gon apologizing to Retz instead of coming after Killua, he felt a part of him break. 


	11. XI

After having way too much hard liquor by himself in the upstairs bathroom there was a knock at the door. Killua had texted Kurapika to meet him there.

There was a knock at the door.

“Go away!” Killua yelled.

“It’s me idiot!” Kurapika yelled, “You _just_ asked me to come.”

Killua stretched from his position sat in the bathtub to unlock the door. All the drinks were hitting him at once.

Kurapika peaked through the door before entering to make sure Killua was decent.

“Sorry, I thought you were Gon,” Killua slurred, holding an empty mini-bottle of vodka.

“Yeah Gon’s been looking for you, what the hell is going on?” Kurapika asked “You didn’t even come to say happy birthday to Leorio yet!”

Killua looked up at Kurapika with absolutely no restraint, just the pure sadness and betrayal on his face.

“Oh no, Kil what happened?” Kurapika immediately reached out and hugged Killua, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

Killua started wailing dramatically in the safety of his friend’s arms.

“M-my winning lottery ticket is being taken away from meeee” Killua was drunk as hell,

“Lottery ticket?” Kurapika slurred, having had their fair share of drinks as well.

Killua sniffled, “Like before the idea of having Gon was like.. winning the lottery you know? Nearly impossible.”

Kurapika nodded with a surprised expression, now following along  
“Oh, okay, we’re talking about Gon. Go on.”

Killua rubbed one of his eyes, “And then it was like, oh my God I won! I fucking won the lottery!” His arms were out in front of his dramatically.

“Wait, what happened!?” Kurapika smiled from ear to ear, confused to why the boy was crying, but happy by the revelation.

Killua continued, “And I got all excited to cash out my lottery ticket and then some fucking RETZ just grabs the fucking lottery ticket from my hands.”

“Retz?” Kurapika was lost.

There was a knock at the door.

“Go away!” They yelled in unison.

“It’s me! Open up!” Gon yelled from across the door.

Killua put his hands on each side of the bathtub and lifted himself out. He unlocked and opened the door.

“GO AWAY! THIS IS GIRLS TALK ONLY.” Killua slammed the door on a confused Gon’s face before locking and sitting back in the tub.

Sober Killua would probably chastise him for that, but sober Killua is not here right now.

Killua sat back in the tub. “Where was I?”

“Lottery ticket, Retz.” Kurapika reminded. “But first I want to know how you even… won the lottery? With Gon?”

“Yes!” Killua snapped “So, we went to a gay bar for a case, oh my god I like gave him a lap dance it was so hot” Killua threw his head back onto the shower tile and Kurapika squealed.

“Oh my God, tell me everything!”

Killua starting smirking at the fond memory, “Ugh I was grinding into him and kissing his neck... and then later he dragged me into an alley, shoved me into a wall and made out with me so intensely.” Killua drawled on, turning flushed from the liquor and the memories.

" That's hot," Kurapika said, listening attentively

Killua continued, “But it was just for the case right? At least I thought for Gon it was. I got all horny so I called Ethan over and Gon caught us making out and got all mad.”

“Oh no,”

“Oh yes, and then… pfftttt…” Killua broke out into a drunk laugh “and then Gon admitted to me that he had feelings for me and obviously I threw myself at him and sucked his big dick.”

They started giggling and screaming together as if they were fan-girling over their OTP.

“That’s amazing! so what’s the problem?”

Killua huffed and held his biceps as if it was suddenly cold in the tub. “And you know.. he told me he wanted me to be his and I thought we were dating… but now there’s this fucking RETZ guy downstairs that flew over here to see Gon and they’re all laughy grabby touchy and Gon introduced me as a fucking friend.”

“As a _friend!?_ ”

“As a FRIEND!”

Kurapika thought intensely for a moment. “Okay so, you guys never officially labelled things so maybe Gon didn’t want to say boyfriend to not freak you out or anything,” Kurapika rationally explained. “And also laughing does NOT mean anything romantic that’s just your jealousy talking.”

Killua pouted at the wiser one. They were absolutely right.

“And let me add, I know you get all self-sabotagey when it comes to Gon and now that there’s this romantic thing going on your fear will get even harder to manage. However, know that you’re irreplaceable to Gon, he loves you, you’re hot shit, and you deserve him.”

Killua pouted “Everybody needs a Kurapika in their life.”

Kurapika laughed before swatting at Killua, “Thank you now go- hang out with your man.”

Killua hesitantly makes his way downstairs, not wanting to be noticed. He scans the crowded living room and spots Gon, he was turned away facing Leorio. Killua then sees Retz on the sofa with a foot kicked up on the coffee table, one hand smoking something and the other holding his cup.

Killua made his way to Retz. “Mind if I join you?” Killua asked.

Retz looked surprise when he met eyes with Killua.   
Retz shook his head and Killua had a seat.

“Listen, I’m sorry for being kind of an ass earlier. I’m a bit… jealous when it comes to Gon.”

Retz laughed, “I get it, I’m jealous of what you two have too.”   
Retz reached back to that ugly huge hat and pulled it off, gorgeous long golden locks falling out of the thing.

Killua’s eyes widened. Retz unzipped the baggy jacket he'd worn all night to reveal a thin waist and coke-bottle figure under a fitted cropped top.

“You’re a girl?” Killua asked in disbelief. Oh great, Retz is a woman, who'd look great by Gon's side, thought Killua.

“Oh yeah I just dress like a guy to travel… you know… it’s safer.” Retz smiled. “But yeah anyways, we had a bunch of good times but… Gon would _always_ talk about you.”

Killua felt his heart skip a beat.

Retz continued, “Anything we did he’d talk about you, whether you guys had done something similar, or if you would’ve liked something, or how he wished you were there,”

Killua was stunned, Retz shook her head for a second “I was jealous as hell because I wanted him.” Retz said matter of factly “I even brought him to meet my parents and he _still_ managed to talk about you, about what a mission it was to meet your parents at the top of a mansion on this well guarded mountain he had to go _save Rapunzel_ from.” She waved her hands comically as she spoke.

“Really?” Killua managed, encouraging the girl to tell him more, she offered to pass him the joint but Killua politely refused. She took another hit, holding the joint between her thumb and forefinger.

“Eventually I realized Killua was a guy name and I got relieved,” Retz exhaled a cloud of smoke and then looked right into Killua’s eyes with a serious expression,  
“I tried to have sex with him”

Killua’s heart thumped in his chest and what he was feeling must have showed on his face.

“But don't worry, he didn’t want me… said he wanted it to be ‘ _someone special like Killua_.’” She mocked. “I always felt like I could never compete with you, and believe me I tried. So I made him realize that the feeling could be mutual and it was worth the risk to go after you.”

Killua was gaping at the honest girl. Retz yawned as she stretched her arms up, showing off the pale skin on her waist in the process. “So if I were you I’d get at that because otherwise I’ll keep trying to become that someone special.” She laced her fingers together behind her head, looking confident.

“He’s mine.” Killua croaked before clearing his throat, “he’s mine now.”

“Good,” Retz said, “you guys make a really good couple.”

“Killua!” Gon shouted, making his way to the couch they were at, “I’ve been waiting for you!” He pouted, having a seat next to the white haired boy, “What were you guys talking about?”

Killua smiled softly at Gon, “Girl talk.” he shrugged.  
  


“You're so pretty,” Retz said, she reached out to Killua's hair “Can I touch it?”

Killua felt Gon’s hand slide up the nape of Killua’s neck into his hair.  
"Sorry Retz, only I can touch Killua's hair." Gon smiled as he gently pulled Killua towards him for a kiss.

Killua almost immediately melted into Gon's touch and fully submitted to him.   
Gon let his lips gently skim over Killua's for a moment, before tilting his head and pressing their lips together. 

Killua quietly whimpered so that only Gon could hear the effect he had on him. Killua tightly gripped Gon's varsity jacket, pulling him closer. They passionately deepened the kiss as their tongues traced over one another and Killua was becoming an unraveled mess in a house full of people. Gon's other hand squeezed Killua's waist before his fingers slowly tried to creep their way of Killua's shirt to stimulate his sensitive skin.

"Gon!? Killua!?" Leorio interrupted the two, they turned their heads in unison and saw their old friend, dressed finely as usual, a huge goofy smile on his face at the sight of the boys, "You guys are finally together!?"

"Happy birthday?" Killua winced. 

"Alright Gon put it here!" Leorio raised up his hand for Gon to high five, and Gon being just as much of a dork actually did it.

Killua looked away from the scene and spotted a totally hot and flustered Retz that had witnessed the whole make-out session up front.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s all of you who've watched the phantom rouge movies know who Retz is, but if you haven't you can youtube "Killua being jealous for 4 minutes and 14 seconds" if you want to see who and what that scene is based off of :) <3


	12. XII

Leorio and Gon wouldn’t stop talking to each other about things that Killua wasn’t remotely interested in. Maybe in part because his social battery had run out already and Killua just wanted to go home now, but he didn’t want to prematurely drag Gon out of the party and be a kill-joy.

Killua had excused himself from the socialites to make his way to the first-floor bathroom.

He washed his hands and stared at his reflection. He had used a subtle amount of eyeliner that always made his light coloured eyes pop, the night made it slightly messier but somehow it looked even better. The bridge of his nose and cheeks were flushed because of the liquor, his white hair made even the slightest blush look so noticeable. Killua raked his slightly damp hands through his white mane that had become slightly disorderly when Gon had kissed him stupid. He smiled at the memory.

Killua felt significantly better, but still annoyed about the whole friend thing. He wanted to talk to Gon about it, but at the same time didn’t want to pressure Gon and lock down an unwilling partner.

After composing himself Killua opened the bathroom door, and to his surprise Gon was standing right outside.

“Oh, hey?” Killua stammered while Gon forced his way into the small two piece bathroom, he locked the door behind him and Killua’s eyes widened at the suggestive action.

When Gon turned back around his eyes were on Killua’s lips while he licked his own and Killua only had a second to register the hot look on his face before he was lifted up and set on the sink countertop. Gon stood between Killua’s legs and grabbed Killua’s face with his warm hands as he went in for another kiss.

He tilted his head and kissed Killua as passionately as their last interrupted kiss, as if he hadn’t had enough the last time, and his hands relentlessly explored Killua’s sensitivity on his sides.

Gon lightly bit Killua’s lower lip before pulling away for a moment “Why does it seem like you keep running away from me tonight?” Gon lightly raked his nails down Killua’s back.

Killua only replied with a small moan the way his hands were driving him crazy. Gon kissed his neck while he waited for a reply he didn’t get, “You’re mine, right?” Gon questioned.

Killua tensed a bit at the question but nodded. Gon immediately noticed, making him pull away to look attentively at Killua, “What’s wrong?”

Killua shook his head and reached out to pull Gon close again.

“No, we have plenty of time for that, I want to know what’s on your mind first.” Gon was staring at him with his full attention, Killua stared back at the determined amber eyes that seemed to have the ability to draw out the truth from the slightly shorter boy.

Killua gulped. “It’s nothing,”

“Killua,” Gon insisted. Someone banged on the bathroom door.

“Seriously, it’s nothing important.” Killua tried to slide off the countertop but Gon kept him in place with the firm hands on his sides.

“Killua.” Gon ordered, obviously ignoring the person outside the door as if he had all the time in the world. Gon knew if he didn’t get it out of Killua now, maybe he never would.

Better to have this conversation when he’d had a bit of liquid courage, Killua decided.

“Ugh fine,” Killua licked his lips, trying to organize the words in his head but failing, “I was just a bit confused because you introduced me as just a friend to Retz and just yesterday I had your dick in my mouth and you said I was yours or whatever.” Killua rambled, “And I know she wants you so maybe you were like still keeping your options open,”

Gon looked flabbergasted, “Keeping my options open?”

Killua shrugged, looking down at his own hands in his lap.

“I’m glad you told me instead of letting that idea run through your head for the next few days.” Gon said, Killua smiled softly.

“No, I’m not keeping my options open, I only want you, and I just want to be yours.” Killua’s heart quickened at the words and he immediately looked into Gon’s eyes, “We never labelled things and I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries with you.”

“Oh,” Killua replied.

“But it sounds like you didn’t like that term, what would you like?” Gon teased as he returned to kissing his neck.

That same person pounded at the door again. Killua jumped.  
“We should go,” Killua said nervously.

“Okay,” Gon smiled, “You look like you’re tired of being here anyways, let’s go home?” Killua nodded, relieved. That was when Gon leaned into his ear and whispered “We can talk about it more in depth at home.”

Killua’s breath hitched in his throat.

* * *

“I’m so fucking glad to be out of there,” Killua stretched, trying to get his mind off what might happen later. They were walking home, only a few blocks from Killua’s apartment.

“Yeah? I thought maybe Killua wanted to leave… Well that’s not the only reason I got you out of there.” Gon admitted.

Killua looked at him curiously, his earlier nerves subsiding.

“I heard those girls saying when you left the bathroom they were going to ask you for a threesome or something.”

The mental image combined with the Killua’s tipsy state had him burst out laughing.

Gon whined “Heeyyy, what are you laughing about?”

“So, you stood outside the door like a fucking bouncer?” Killua laughed out, “As if I was like a celebrity and you were my security guard waiting outside while a took a piss-”

Killua was cut off by a playful shove to the shoulder. It did nothing to stop his laughter but he did shove the boy back. A playful gleam shone in Gon’s eyes as he lunged forward to grab Killua by his waist, the white haired boy tried to dodge by running forward, but Gon managed to grab his arm, and pulled him into a hug and tickled him viciously.

“S-stop!” Killua hollered between painful giggles as the boy wiggled his fingers against his rib cage.

“No, now I want you to keep laughing!” Gon giggled, “Your laugh is so fucking cute.” At this comment Killua went straight for Gon’s dick which was startling enough to make Gon let go momentarily, and Killua didn’t hesitate in running.

“Ha!” Killua shouted as he looked back at the boy chasing him.

They ran together down the main road laughing and yelling drunkenly at the dead of night. Illuminated just by the street lamps, the moon, and their own brilliance. Occasionally succeeding in grabbing or groping each other as the finally made it to the apartment complex.

Killua scanned his key fob and the boys went inside, catching their breaths and unspokenly knowing the game of tag was finished at the entrance of the building.

They entered the elevator, they were almost home.

Killua was so nervous and so excited his heart felt like it was in his throat. The boys panted at the strenuous running they’d done until now.

Gon was standing right behind him as Killua pressed the button to his floor. It felt like every cell on Killua’s back was on high alert, he knew without looking that Gon was watching him intensely.

The elevator suddenly stops mid flight, and the lights give out.

Killua’s heart raced while his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

“Fuck,” Killua turned on the flash in his phone.. dimly lighting them but it was better than being in pitch darkness.

Killua finally turned to look at the tanned boy. Gon was looking at him like he was barely able to keep himself from stripping Killua right there. Killua felt a chill go up his spine.

Gon closed the distance between them.

“Remember that time we were in here, and I backed you into this corner,” Gon said, effectively backing Killua into that same corner again. Killua’s heart picked up its pace at the intimidating taller boy, in this dim lighting he looked twice as striking.

Gon lent down and inhaled Killua’s scent while he gently dragged his hand over Killua’s arm, the pale skin perked up in goosebumps at the touch.

Gon continued “and I pressed my hips up against you so I could try to see how you felt about me?” Killua felt his face get hot at the confession. “You didn’t even notice all the space I had behind me. And you just turned all red and flustered... the one thing that makes me want to lose it on you.. just like you are now.” Gon’s voice was low and husky and muttering the hottest thing into Killua’s ear while his hand felt electric over Killua’s skin, and it was enough to make Killua’s pants start to feel a little too tight.

Gon’s hand dragged over his shoulder, and then the possessive hand was wrapped around Killua’s slim neck. Gon gently squeezed and Killua shivered. Killua can never find the words, or any words, when Gon starts acting like this.

“What is it about you that makes me feel like this?” Gon whispered over Killua’s flushed ear, “I want you all to myself, it’s intoxicating.”

Killua finally found his voice “I’m yours, I don’t want anyone else anyways. Never have.”

“Ethan?” Gon interrogated.

“Looked similar enough that I could pretend it was you.” Killua breathed, still tipsy enough to confess such an embarrassing thing.

Gon took a deep breath and then grabbed himself over his jeans.

“I don’t think I can wait until this elevator starts working again.” 


	13. XIII

“I don’t think I can wait until this elevator starts working again.” 

Gon interrupted Killua’s small gasp of surprise as he lunged himself towards the shorter boy. Gon kissed him deep, his tongue brushing against Killua’s seductively and Killua felt his legs go weak. Instead of holding him up, Gon slowly led Killua to the ground of the elevator. Killua’s head was propped up against the elevator wall while Gon reach for the hem of Killua’s shirt and lifted it to his collar bones.

“You’re so irresistible.” Gon whispered onto Killua’s waist, “Your body is perfect.” Gon praised as he trailed his touch down Killua’s toned porcelain torso, that still somehow managed to almost glow in the dim lighting.

Killua hissed at the feeling, his skin was so sensitive and the touch had him squirming.

“Does that feel good?” Gon asked, before leaning over and kissing Killua’s stomach the same way the white haired boy had done to him the night before.

Killua whimpered, reaching out and raking his fingers through Gon’s dark hair. It was one thing to touch Gon, and it was another all together to be touched by Gon, Killua felt a flash of panicked desire at the foreign sensation of being touched like this.

Gon smiled against his skin. His hands were rubbing Killua’s torso and feeling him up, while the dark haired boy used his lips and tongue to drive Killua completely crazy. Killua had no idea receiving this type of attention from Gon was going to feel like this. It was completely intoxicating.

When Killua felt Gon messing with his belt his eyes went wide to stare at Gon. “What, right here?” He panted.

“I can’t wait to go home,” The tanned boy stared at the wide cat eyes he loved so much that looked silver in the dim lighting. ‘Besides, I never got to return the favour yesterday.”

Gon unbuttoned the jeans. Killua’s hands jolted forward and grabbed Gon’s wrists.

“We uh… maybe we shouldn’t do this here.” Killua panted, fighting against his bodies desire to give in.

Gon flashed him a daring look, a confident smirk on his hot face that was temptingly placed in between Killua’s spread thighs. “Let me taste you, Killua.”

Oh fuck, Killua thought. Gon looked right at him while he leaned forward and unzipped Killua’s pant zipper using his teeth. His chin purposefully gliding down the bulge in Killua’s jeans.

“Fuck,” Killua said out loud, his grip on Gon’s wrists became weak at the sight of Gon desperately trying to pleasure him. Illuminated by just the phones flash, his gorgeous jaw line and facial structure was flaunted beautifully right over where Killua wanted him most.

Gon effortlessly slipped his arms away from Killua’s grasp. He immediately went for the boy’s briefs.

“This is so bad.” Killua’s voice sounded lower than normal, he looked to the corners of the elevator to double check there were no cameras.

Gon licked his lips, looking at Killua like he was a snack. Gon hooked his fingers into his pants and briefs and wasted no time pulling them off, Killua lifted his hips off the ground with just as much urgency and Killua’s hard length sprung free.

Killua’s face feels like it’s burning as he watches Gon admire a part of him that’s never been seen before, never been touched before, he doesn’t have more than a second to accustom to the sensation of Gon’s warm breath on his length because the dark haired boy almost immediately presses his hot tongue flat against his base and Killua gasps as Gon drags his tongue up to the tip.

Killua’s back arches at the feeling and Gon’s strong hands grip his sides to keep him stable. Gon licked around the tip before slipping the length into his warm wet mouth. Killua jerked involuntarily and moaned a little too loud at the feeling of his lips sliding up and down, Gon stopped for a moment to catch his breath while working him with his hands.

“I still need to have you upstairs” Gon muttered.

Killua couldn’t think about what Gon had said because his mouth and hands were giving Killua sensory overload and sounds seemed to fade in the background.

  
Just as Killua felt he was close to coming the elevator lights turned on, and Gon helped him quickly tuck himself back in and straighten up. They nearly ran to Killua’s apartment after the doors opened and Gon kissed Killua’s neck from behind while Killua willed his shaking hands to stay steady to unlock the door.

As soon as he closed the door behind him Gon scooped him up, Killua wrapped his legs around Gon’s fit narrow waist and held onto his broad shoulders for dear life while Gon kissed the boy senseless, he pressed Killua against the wall and grinded into the gorgeous unraveled boy who was whimpering as if every touch, every kiss, was almost so pleasurable to the point of pain.

Gon moved from the wall and brought Killua to his bedroom, finally setting the boy on the floor in front of his bed, they kissed each other and peeled off each others shirts and clothes so hurriedly as if they had limited time. Killua no longer felt embarrassed as Gon laid him back on the bed and hovered over him, they pressed their warm bodies flush against each other as they kissed each other senseless, Gon wrapped his hand around both their lengths and pumped while he moved to lick Killua’s jaw line.

Killua felt a wave of heat and pleasure while Gon moaned into his mouth. Killua felt light headed as he reached over to his night stand, knocking a few things over as all the frantic emotions left him clumsy but he managed to grab his lube.

Gon let go of their lengths but still grinded against Killua as he slicked his fingers with the lube.

“You sure?” Gon asked, giving the boy a chance to change his mind, Killua nodded and gripped his arms tight, looking at him with unfiltered vulnerability and want. Gon’s pupils were blown wide and his lips were redder and swollen.

Gon stared at Killua like he was the most beautiful, precious thing he’d ever seen, and he reached down and rubbed his fingers over his entrance before pushing in one slicked finger. Killua hugged him tight and hissed before biting Gon’s shoulder.

“Killua,” Gon groaned and curled his finger over a soft part that made Killua wail in pleasure, Gon slipped in his other finger and repeated the motion, making Killua arch and throw his head back into the pillow.

“Have you been preparing yourself for me?” Gon said low and husky, and Killua nodded. When Killua adjusted to the thickness of Gon’s fingers he let go of his tight grip on Gon to turn around on all fours. Gon stood on his knees and poured lube on himself, he pressed his tip against Killua.

“You know after this your mine.” Gon grunted, pushing himself inside slowly, Killua moaned and fisted his bed sheets, tolerating the pain and even liking it.

Gon leaned over and kissed Killua’s shoulder blade as he pushed himself another couple inches, “We’re together.”

“I’m yours,” Killua screamed while he adjusted to being stretched and filled.

When Gon felt Killua relax he moved his hips cautiously and as slowly as he could bear, he squeezed Killua’s waist with his hand and kissed the trembling boys shoulder to distract him, kissing every scar, whispering sweet nothings into the slim boy’s ear about being his and how beautiful he was.

Killua couldn’t take the slowness and sweetness of it all anymore, his heart was racing, his body was sweating, and his adrenaline was peaking. The thickness, weight, and fullness he felt not being quite enough. Killua arched his back and pushed back to press Gon against that sweet spot, Gon hissed as Killua finally reached his hips. Gon squeezed Killua tight enough to bruise and Killua moaned in response, the pain and intensity feeling so good as he felt a head rush. “Fuck Killua you’re so tight.”

Gon pulled back and started rhythmically thrusting and grunting, and Killua was moaning louder than he even knew he could, “You feel so good” Gon whispered.

“Mmm.. Gon,” Killua whined, and his arms gave out, his face fell onto the pillow as he was pounded into, he felt heat in his stomach and he reached down to grab himself to finally give himself the release his body needed since the elevator.

Gon grabbed Killua’s arms and folded them behind his back, “You’re not coming yet,” Gon grunted.

Killua moaned in response as Gon pinned his arms against his back and hit that sweet spot that felt like fireworks in his core.

“Please Gon, please?” Killua whimpered and grinded his hips against the boy. “You can have me as many times as you want,” Killua was playing dirty and acting nasty as he begged.

Gon let go of his Killua’s arms and grabbed his neck, bringing the boy upright as he relentlessly had his way with him. “I’m not done with you yet,” Killua threw his head back onto his shoulder and reached to the back of Gon’s neck with one hand, and his thigh with the other, encouraging the darker boy to keep moving into him.

“You want to come?” Gon groaned into Killua’s ear.

“Yes!” Killua whimpered

“Beg for it.” Gon demanded, holding Killua tight around his waist as he kept him in place while he fucked him.

“Please,” Killua sobbed while his body trembled from the orgasm he was holding back.

“Louder.” Gon growled.

“Please, Gon!” Killua wailed, not sure he could hold back any longer.

Gon was on the edge himself “Just like that,” he breathed, reaching around to pump Killua’s neglected length “Good Killua, you can come for me now”

“Fuck,” Gon groaned as he bursted. Killua finally released his climax and his body convulsed within Gon’s tight grip that grounded him, he felt Gon pulse inside him and fill him. The surge of adrenaline and endorphins making both melt.

Killua deflated in Gon’s arms after their climax.

Gon gently laid Killua down onto his pillow and was about to get up when Killua’s arm shot out to keep in in place.

“Where are you going?”

“I was going to get you water, I read on the internet that it’s part of aftercare,”

Killua chuckled and shook his head “Just hold me”

Gon didn’t hesitate and lied down to hug Killua. He was a bit worried now that he’d sobered up from his frantic arousal. He worried about whether he hurt the boy or if he took it too far, he’d never even seen that side of himself before.

Gon held a sleepy cuddly Killua and immediately felt better. He kissed his forehead and the boy snuggled closer into Gon’s chest.

Gon raked his fingers through Killua’s soft white hair and inhaled the scent of Killua’s shampoo as he placed another kiss on Killua’s head.

Gon just couldn’t help himself as he showered Killua with kisses and caresses, feeling like he could give the boy all the affection he wanted now that they were together. Killua didn’t move at all, simply absorbed the affection as he laid unmoving.

“Did it hurt?” Gon whispered.

Killua blinked open his eyes as if he’d almost fallen asleep. Killua thought for a moment “a little.. but it felt really good.”

“So it was good for you too?”

“It was a lot more than just good... my neighbours definitely hate us,” Killua chuckled.

“For me too,” Gon felt perfectly at ease now. “So... to be clear you’re my boyfriend right?”

Killua looked up and pressed a sweet kiss onto Gon’s lips. “Of course I am, idiot. Now let me sleep it’s like 4 in the morning”

Gon sighed “One last question.”

“Yes?” Killua waited expectantly, already predicting the question.

“So you’ll come with me right?”

“Anywhere.”


End file.
